My husband of 1 year, (Ben) has been calling my best friend (Lusenda) constantly. He even told her that he is in love with her, and has been since the first time that he met her. We just had a baby in October, and this has all happened since the birth of my daughter.
I feel so betrayed and hurt. Ben says he doesn't feel anything for her. And that he quit calling her after Thanksgiving. I found out because of his calling card having no minutes left on it. I had kind of suspected he felt something for her, because of the way he was always acting. So, I started checking. I called the calling card company and he started getting really defensive. I knew. So I lied and told him that a mutual friend of mine and Lusenda's had told me that Lusenda had told her that my husband was calling her and telling her how much he cared about her. I even told her this woman had implied that they were having an affair. He admitted to calling her, and that was it. I comfronted my 'friend' Lusenda and she told me yes, that Ben had told her how much he loved her, etc. But Lusenda said she thought he had only done it because he and I were having problems.
This is so hurtful to me, I don't know what to think. I sincerely feel that he would have had an affair with her had I not caught him. I did check the calling card and he had stopped calling her, but still.
I dont know what to do.
Any ideas?

1.) Learn. Read everything in the Basic Concepts section of this site. Then buy and read “Surviving an Affair”, by Willard Harley, (hereinafter referred to as “SAA”) available at the Bookstore. SAA is THE best book on the market for helping one get to the root of “the message of the affair”. Though your husband did not (probably) have a physical affair, it sounds like he had an emotional affair. SAA (along with the Basic Concepts section of this site) is also helpful for giving you a vision of what a great marriage should look like. The approach of SAA to this problem is that the best defense against affairs is to have a great marriage. It was not until my wife and I read SAA and saw what a great marriage should look like that we could clearly identify the problem areas and had the tools necessary to fix them.

2.) You may want to see a marriage counselor. These boards are populated by amateurs. MC’s are professionals. There is a difference. That said, there are lots of bad MC’s in the world. Read, and take to heart, How To Find A Good Marriage Counselor. You do not want an MC that is going to teach you how to live with an awful spouse, or how to adjust to divorce. You need one that is committed to helping couples have great marriages, and knows how to do that.

3.) I understand that you may not be a person of faith, but for me, getting my spiritual life in order was crucial.

Jodi,
I think something else is to realize that during pregnancy and after the birth of a child are commen times for affairs.
Husbands often are feeling the intense pressure of realizing their young days are over,they are expected to be fathers. All this coupled with their wife being too tired and overwhelmed to pay them special one on one attention.
Good luck with your search,we all realize how painful this is.
L

By any chance is your husband name Ben Y and from NYS..

CLR...why?

benyjodiO1...so sorry that you've been betrayed by two of the closest people to you. A double betrayal is very difficult to overcome.

If their affair, either EA or PA, is truly over, then you and your H can began recovery from his affair. Start by reading what is offered here. Take from it what will benefit you and your situation. Check out the emotional needs articles.

Sadly having a child puts so much added stress on a marriage and on the couple. Too often, it's a ripe time for affairs. Hopefully, your H didn't cross the line from an EA (emotional affair) to a PA (physical affair) and has since pulled his head out of his @$$ and realized what a stupid thing he did to risk all he has for a few moments of sharing what never should have been shared.

Are you still in contact with this "friend?"? Have you and your H started marriage counseling to see if you can work on why he allowed this to happen? Have you thought about getting on some anti-depression meds for a short time to help you deal with your conflicting and overwhelming emotions?

Good Luck as you began your healing path.