My husband and I have been separated for 2 months, I'm the one who moved out, and we've been talking about reconciling. I thought everything was fine, then I found out he moved in with a woman, the day after I moved out, and she had been seeing him for a while before that. I confronted him and he said yes, it's true, but it's over, and let him work it out and he'll be home soon. Today, I found out he signed up the first of December to a matchmaker website and has been talking to women about meeting them in Missouri, where he lives, and in Houston, where I live. He's supposed to be coming here for Christmas, and he even told one of the women that he would be here over Christmas and was looking forward to meeting her. I'm crushed. This is the second affair that I've found out about, all in the same year. I forgave him for the first one. I'm sure he's been doing this for our entire 12 year marriage, and I feel like such a fool and I'm mad and hurt at the same time. He called me tonight right after I had called his livein lover ( I told her everything I knew, and she said she suspected he was running around on her too). I told him I knew about the matchmaker thing, and he told me I should mind my own business. I can't think straight right now, I'm lost.

Hi Connie,

Sorry you are having to deal with this. Do you have an MC? Since you are separated, what are your options? Do you have family and close friends that can help you? Someone to talk with? Right now you need to pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. That will help you offset the emotional rollercoaster you are on. Balance you out a bit.

Get to the doctor and see if he can perscribe something to help you cope and relax. Your body is going to go through emotional high and lows. Anger and frustration have already manifest themselves and you may feel the need to make major decisions.

Don't do it yet. Get grounded in your support and make sound decisions.

What have you read from here?

take care,
L.

Please understand this: HE IS NOT EVER GOING TO STOP. I knew before, during and after about these computer games with my husband and tried everything possible- finally I forced him to decide and he chose cyber and whatever comes of that. I am sure you love him. But what you need to know and must force yourself to realize is that you only know what little bit you discovered. God knows how much else there is. The extent of my H's involvement with computer sex and such went on strange rides: go, stop, go harder/longer, stop, go harder than ever, longer than ever... you get the point. He brought it into our home, betrayed my trust, and even brought it to work (by having them mail him there, b/c I set up a spy program at home).

I understand 12 years is a long time, but I am sure that somewhere there is a man who is capeable of engaging in something other than extra marital activites, and besides- you don't need this crap, and you sure don;t deserve it.

Get mad. He's telling you to turn your head and to let him screw around. No! You are not his loyal dog! And he certaintly isn't any prize. Do yourself a favor-- it might be hard at first. Just stay mad- think about what he expects you to do. Think about him cheating on you. That will keep you away.

I've been told this cyber stuff is an addiction- related to "sex addiction." I dont know if I believe in that or not, but at any rate, know that it won't stop- it will just get hidden better. It will get worse. And you will only beat yourself up over this- when you could be out there enjoying life instead.

My STBX did this to me for 4 years. I could write a novel. And boy do I have some opinions.

Do not give this pig one more ounce of respect until he decides to grow up and stop rolling in the mud.

EpiphOny: I hope you are wrong, I hope they can stop the internet/cyber relationships that seem so addictive/compelling for them. I hope you are wrong and am afraid you are right. SEL