Yesturday I wrote a letter to the mitress. Telling her what my husband has been telling me. That we are going to try to work it out. Well she forwarded him the email and he left. I got one of those spy internet things and I have his password and all the nasty details. I am a little numb right now. In his emails he is going back to her and to our old life. I realise there is nothing I can do. I must get on with my life. Any advice?????????

hurt and alone,

First, I'm sorry for your pain!

Is it possible your H is acting out of anger? In the meantime, do you have family and friends close by for support? Please don't try to go this alone... of course you're in pain but you don't have to be alone. Reach out to others for support!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just went back and read your other posts. You say the OW lives far away... has he returned to where she is or is he still local to you?

I wish I had some better guidance. Your H is so caught up in the fantasy.

For now...

Recover ~ Refocus ~ Regenerate

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ December 24, 2002, 04:41 PM: Message edited by: Free2BMe ]</small>

((Hurt and alone)): so sorry all this is happening on Christmas eve.

No advice really--just hugs and prayers for you.

I am a Canadian, too.

I imagine the board won't be terribly busy today and tomorrow but people will come along and answer your posts soon.

Take care.

Hurt --

I'm very sorry for this latest development. Remember that we're here for you. Remember that you don't have to go through this pain by yourself. Let us help. Keep us involved.

I agree with Free: your H's anger is fueling this knee-jerk reaction. He's angry that you had the nerve to try to preserve your marriage by confronting the OW. Of course he doesn't/can't see the whole picture; he sees only his tiny, pitiful piece of it.

I know his actions are immensely upsetting and make this seem all the more hopeless. But you can't see around the corner; you don't know what tomorrow will bring. Once his anger cools, he may take a very different stance.

Just don't give up hope. At this point, you're the only one "for" your marriage; he can't help at all for now. You've got to hang in there in the face of seemingly overwhelming hopelessness.

Don't make any major or life-altering decisions at this point. You're in shock and you need time to recuperate, emotionally and physically. Take care and please keep us posted. We do care...

Ammon

<small>[ December 24, 2002, 06:12 PM: Message edited by: Ammon ]</small>

Thanks everyone

He is from Mexico. I met him there as I worked there for 4 years with him. we came to canada to have a new better life. He went back recently to do a show there. He was there for 5 weeks. I went 2 weeks in. We used to live there together. I suspect that he is trying to live our old life with her. You know no responsibilities etc. Anyway I think he may go back there to be with her and live our old fantasy life. I am trying to be stron. But we have a mortgage a business and many finacial obligations I am worried If he goes off to Mexico and does not resolve these issues I may drown here.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 05:34 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

Hanora
Thank you for the advice. I have been trying plan A since d-day. He is so far in the fog I cant reach him. He said he would be back in a few days (he really has no where to go no friends here only me). I think the solitude will do him good. I want to work it out cause I love him. But I know now I am strong enough to do this on my own. A few days ago I would not have thought so. Your message really touched me as I too do not have very many friends in TO. I have a small family about an hour away and they are very supportive. One day at a time right? It sucks that this is happening during the holidays and all. But this will only make me stronger. He will not break me. Thanks again for your advice I will try to contact Osgoode on Friday.

Hurt,

I'm sorry to hear all this is happening during the holidays. I'm also going through what your going through. Stay strong as I will try as well. If you need someone to vent to...Feel free to post to me.

Depressed