I have logged other posts here under Out of the blue ad wife wants to live with lover.

My wifes alchoholism continues to grow worse. Seemingly by the day. She is in and out of the "Fog". It seems to lift before my eyes and then suddenly reappear. I would like to ask some questions, if anyone can help me.
I have a very close relationship with her family. I have talked to a counselor at an alchohol treament center.. We have discussed the basics of how to pursue an intervention. And tonite I have finished contacting evryone in the family. All have agreed that as a last resort an intervention is something we should attempt. She now has the shakes which indicates serious nervous system issues and yesterday ( Christmas) we drove to see family members 100 miles away. The weather conditions were perilous but negotiable.We took separate vehicles. By the time we got there she was a crying , emotional mess.
Needless to say she is going downhill fast and I am concerned she is going to have an emotional break down soon. She has a very tender heart and all of this is driving her insane. I refuse to let this happen. She appears to ask for help, but does not seem to understand what to do. And her alchoholic boyfriend is just keeping her medicated. He has other major issues and is literally killing my wife with the drinking.
Is it possible she is asking for my help and I do not realize it ? She often asks me why I didn't stop her. I take this as a sign she is crying for help, but cannot help herself. She knows her drinking is seriously hurting her, yet she comtinues. Am I being unrealistic in wanting this intervention and not knowing if she will really go through with it ?
Any advice would be appreciated.

It is hard to say. She may be asking for help. She also is not taking responsibility for her own behavior. If she was in a treatment program, they will not allow her to blame others for her behavior. I was engaged to an alcoholic. He only went into treatment to try to keep me from leaving him, so it was not successful.

From the little you say, she sounds like she may be on the edge of acknowledging she has a problem and it is out of her control and she needs help. When she stops denying there is a problem then treatment can help. The one my xfiance was in, they did say sometimes they do reach those who were sent by order of court or family intervention.

Be prepared, she may hate you and the rest of the family for it. (for a little while).

I don't think they are allowed visitors except during certain times, and if you are high or drunk when visiting, you will be made to leave. (not you, OM). The place my Xfiance went, they also had a family support meeting. At this meeting, friends and family can attend a meeting with everyone in the treatment program. Then the family and friends go off to a meeting with a counselor do discuss how their addiction has affected you. Kind of an on-site al-non meeting.

Good luck. I am one who favors Family intervention, even if it means the one you are intervening on hates you for it. OM, is in the category of "misery loves company and he wants to drag your W with"

<small>[ December 26, 2002, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: Sue with hope ]</small>