I found out in October that my husband was involved in online relationships. We were having financial problems and he asked me to go stay with my parents for a week or so to ease some of his pressure and so that my son and I would be comfortable. The power was due to be disconneted and such. During that week every time I called home the phone was busy so I suspected he was on the internet instead of working. When I got home I demanded his password. He refused to give it to me. He told me that he had spent the week drinking and going online to porno sites and online gambling. He said he was embarassed for me to see the sites he had been to. But I wouldn't back down and he finally gave me his password. Of course by the time I got online he had deleted any evidence. But he had sent an email to someone saying "Don't ever contact me via email or im...wife is upset" The lady hadn't read the email yet so I hit unsend. When I questioned my husband about it he said that they had met in a Christian chat room and talked a few times. He told me that she worked for a Christian radio station and that they talked about music and the problems in each of their marriages and that was it. While I was online I changed his password so that he couldn't get back online. A few days later I was on his screen name and the woman imed her and I pretended to be him and she talked about wanting to see him again even if it was only as friends and made the comment that she felt like a one night stand. That's about all I got from her. I confronted my husband and he denied it all and said she must be some online psycho. He swore to me that it was nothing and that it only happened because he had been drinking. I sent her a few emails asking her questions but she wouldn't respond. About a month later I still felt uneasy and checked his phone number. He had a number stored from a lady in AL, we're in GA and so was the the lady I've been speaking of. He told me many lies about this number, but finally amitted that it was someone he had met online, but never in person. He first told me had only talked to her the week I was out of town but later confessed that he had talked to her only a week ago. Also he called her to tell her that I had found her number. After this I emailed the first woman and asked her to be honest with me and told her he was talking to other women from the internet. She told me that she and my husband had met on the internet, talked on the phone, and met in person. She said there had been no sexual contact of any kind and that when she spoke of feeling like a one night stand she said she meant because her husband had come to see her and he only wanted sex and that she had talked to me husband about it. I confronted my husband and eventually he ammitted that yes he had met her. He said he met her in a parking lot and they each stayed in their own vehicle and talked. He said he felt very guilty and uncomfortable being there and left quickly. I don't know how much of this is true but I don't think they are involved at all anymore. My concern is about the woman from AL. I have feelings that he is still involved with her in some way. But I can't find any evidence. My trust is shattered and I can't seem to move forward.
I know this has been long but I haven't told anyone the entire story and I needed to get it off my chest.

Dear Tammy

I know how much it hurts, a similar thing took place with my wife 4 months ago. Although hers progressed to her separating from me 3 months ago and subsequently meeting strangers for sex in her new apartment. James Dobson's book "Love Must Be Tough" is excellent in knowing how to deal with infidelity (internet or physical), and Bruce Fisher's book "Rebuilding" helped me understand why my wife did what she did. It doesn't help the terrible pain go away, but it did help me know why she lied about everything and acted so out of character. PS. They almost always deny everything, from improper internet conversations, to meeting in person, to even sexual relations with others. I will pray that the Lord will give you the strength, love, and grace you'll need to walk this one. My story is found under the Infidelity section, "Just found out...", ID "niceguyjim" Blessings!

Tammy I can sympathize with you. I went through many online scenarios some of which he actually went to the person's house. Alot of the stuff I read I cannot prove and he tells me its just talk. then he blames me for checking his IMs which I try and record as much as I can. Tells me I have no business going through his wallet, yet he searches my purse and I have never done anything (his guilt). Just yesterday I found out that he purchased a pair of shoes for a girl he met a training class for his job. He went to great lengths to hide the fact the he bought them. He called a cousin and asked her to say he bought them for her and now expects me to believe he and the girl are only friends and never have been intimate. He said he bought them because she offered to rent him a car in Feb to go see his daughter in NC..his license is revoked for dwi. The lies are the worse part and then the fact that he bought me nothing for xmas but bought some girl something. he said he did not feel comfortable telling me about the friendship. He thought I would flip out. Bunch of BS since I never have before and he knows lots of women and has lots of friends..alot of which I don't really know. He does not see it being necessary that I know all of these people. He thinks it is ok to go out and have a drink with a female friend or dinner without his wife. I hardly agree. I am not attempting to take his friends away( the ones that truly are) but to me, when you are married your friends are my friends and vice versa. I am truly heart broken because I know the situation with this girl had to be more than friendship he went through too much to hide it and I don't know what to do. I can't really prove anything physical happened and I am angry. I really makes me feel like nothing to know the ow would get a gift and not me also. I really need help because although I know in my heart what the truth is, I still want to believe him. I am torn because I feel if I do nothing he will think he can do whatever he wants and get away with it. Any advice for me?