I'm new here, but I'll make this short. 3 weeks ago H announced he wasn't happy with reconciliation -- it's been 8 months. I told him okay, do what you want to do -- we've been down this road before when we were separated. He said he would call the lawyer the following day. He has done nothing since. He is hot and cold. One day he will barely speak to me, the next day he is all "himself." I should add that we were separated for about 1 1/2 years, but never quit seeing each other. He has a history of an EA with a client. I asked him to not have her call the house -- she can call his office -- when I moved back in. She still does and he defends it.
I am at the end of my rope. His silence and hostile humor is more than I can take. I don;t have the means to leave financially, and I have mu graduate thesis this semester, so I really don't need the additional stress.
I am ready to give him a **** or get off the pot ultimatum, but I don't want to be over reactive. Incidentally, he purchased jewelry (women's) for someone at christmas and it didn't wind up in my hands. Any advice would be appreicated. WE've been together 11 years, married 4. He is a non-communicator, except for his secret phone calls.
Any words of wisdom?

Married 4 years
H -- EA, if not more 6/2000
Separated 8/2000
Together again 6/2002
EA resumed 7/2002

1Red,

What do you want ? what bring you here ? ... have you gone through Basic concept ?, Q&A ?.

-RH-

I want to heal this marriage. Which Q&A do you recommend? My H will not participate in any thing that he views as "help" -- reading, counseling, evaluating, etc. I just know that I cannot (this is my bottom line) go on living like this --living with someone who is hot and cold -- for very much longer. I feel like I am nearing the point of saying to him Divorce or Counseling, and since he doesn't think he has a problem (I do consider lying a problem) I'm 99% certain he would not consider any outside help. Where should I start? Thanks for any advice.

Try a more 'pure' Plan A...
...and check out the following:

Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)
Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)
Plan B - 201

Be honest in that your love for him can and will die...
...without a serious effort on his part.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

1Red,

Q&A on infidelity on what to do with wayward husband. After that go through the link that NSR suggested ... It is about plan A/B ... Avoid LB at all cost, put a blinder on your H's action for a specific time period when you are doing plan A. MB will help you to get through this ... w/ or w/o your H.

After you understand MB concept, print out LBQ & ENQ ... fill it up as if your H. Avoid at all cost LB'ed and fillin as much ENs as H allows you too. It should have impact on H .... he might not know what get to him <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> or ... he might even distant further <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . Either way it should have impact.

-rh-

<small>[ December 30, 2002, 02:57 AM: Message edited by: redhat ]</small>