My husband has had an affair which I discovered in Aug. He says he loves me but not the way he should. Said his girlfriend could provide him with everything he needed,even though I have done the same things. He tells me he has no desires to be with me, do things ect... He kepts telling me he loves. I have asked him to leave, I have told him to leave, I have told him I would him him leave. It has been almost five months since I have known aboutthe affair and he is still here. Says he can not leave because of our children. We have read After the affair, how to comment, and controlled seperastion has never been touched.
We have been to a counsler twice and I feel there is nothing helping. The counsler has told H if I would stand still the affair will die.
I feel really good that he is still here and we still have sex. I feel deep down he really loves me but has not let me into his life.
NAncy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Do start on a Plan A...
...and checkout my posts on these:

Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)
Plan B - 101 (2nd ed.)
Plan B - 201

Keep talking to him... in complete honesty...
...but keep it in short bursts... not one long drawn out discussion.

Do not push him out... for he shall surely leave...
...and you will have lost a valuable time to Plan A!

You have my prayers.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Nancy 4061:
<strong>The counsler has told H if I would stand still the affair will die.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Did the counselor tell you this, as well?

The counselor is very likely correct.

What you should be doing is preparing yourself for WHEN this happens.

Read the links offered by NSR, above. Identify and fix all your contributions to the poor marital environment that preceded the affair.

You see, Nancy, once the affair ends, do you want the old marriage back, or a new, better one? Unless you fix your problems, nothing will improve and another affair is inevitable. Yes, he has problems to fix also. I am not implying that you caused the affair - that was entirely his decision - but between the two of you, you allowed a poor marriage to fester.

Do not ask him to leave again. Seize the opportunity his presence presents to demonstrate that you recognize you share the responsibility for the prior conditions. Discuss this with your counselor.