I just married on December 17th and on Christmas Day my new husband told me that he was unfaithful with two different women from his office over this past year.

I had suspected something one week before our wedding day and even confronted him about various correspondence I had found and questioned his behavior.

We had talked and discussed temptation and he had lied telling me all the right information (leaving out the truth) just enough so that I still felt strong about getting married.

I am completely devastated and do not know where to turn, where to start or how to even cry.

I just got married!!!!!

Oh honey...I am so sorry.

Know that what you are feeling is normal.

Do you have any idea what it is you might want to do now? Not that you have to make any decisions right now...you don't. In fact, you should NOT make any hard and fast decisions until you get a handle on your emotions and have a chance to look at ALL your options. But, if you think you and your H can overcome this and it's what you both want...just know that you really can. If you're thinking that you may not want to try, that's ok, too. Give yourself some time to process this.

I'd like to ask just a few questions so that I've got a clearer understanding of where you and your H are right now.

You stated that he told you about these flings...when he told you, was it something which you confronted him on, or did he finally come clean on his own? Does he know what he wants now? Is he willing to do whatever is necessary to help the two of you move forward in your marriage? (Not that he actually has much of an idea as to what all that entails.) Are any of these affairs on-going...if so what is he going to do about it? If all affairs have ended, is he willing to make sure that there is NC (no contact) between him and these OW (other women)? Meaning is he willing to change jobs...most of us who have been betrayed, are unable to heal and move forward as long as our spouse's have any contact whatsoever with the affair partner.

When your ready...just post as much about your situation as you feel comfortable with (no real names/address/emails, etc) and you'll get a lot of support and advice from these wonderful people here. (The holidays have made the boards rather slower then normal.)

There is a LOT of information here on site on how to recovery from an infidelity. READ! While it may seem impossible at this time...you and your H by working very hard can make your marriage into what you wish it to be...more honest, more open, more understanding and loving and caring.

Praying for you as you began your healing path.

What "WE" want to do is stay married. What "I" want to do is stay married. Any decision otherwise is, as of today...out of the question.

Overcome??? This is the part that I am at now...getting on daily without insecurity and thinking about things over and over...

I suspected him of some deceit, over the last year and hired someone to help me investigate into some unaccounted time and just that "sense" that something was going on. I was priveleged to some very explicit emails and confronted him straight on.

Now he has as he said "came true" with the details, he wants to stay with me. I am the chosen path. Does he know what he wants now?

Is he willing to do whatever it takes to make it? What would those steps be? He says he is truly sorry, what does that mean? He just knows he wants "us" to grow old together...come what may!

He says the flings are well over and that when things started to get on...more intense, the others and he agreed that it was wrong and he says that it has stopped or did stop months ago.

I can tell you that the contact issue is there. These women are in the office that he works at and he can't get another job...his field is of expertise and only their jobs would be the type that could be replaced. It would not be his decision otherwise and I wouldn't even know where to start in that topic. But I am going insane each day when he leaves for work.

I could never just "stop" like that...I would hate seeing these women everyday knowing what I did...I want to confront these two women. Tell them that I know, didn't appreciate it and that they should WATCH IT!

Well...you AND your H can repair the damage which has happened. It will NOT be easy or quick. But it can be very worthwhile.

I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt that he knows what he wants...which is you and your marriage together.

Some of the things which most of us need is a LOT of honesty and openness. He needs to be accountable for his time and actions. He needs to share with you what happens during his day, just as you should share with him what happens during yours. He needs to be very clear as to what his actions will be whenever dealing with any woman in his workplace, especially those he has had past contact with. He needs to sit down and the two of you discuss what you feel is acceptable and normal and what is crossing the line.

Most of us also need access to what he may feel is his privacy. Such as cell phone bills, VM passwords, passwords to email accounts...etc. The more willing he is to do whatever he can to help you feel more informed and more secure as to what he is doing, saying, thinking...the faster you will heal.

He says "he's sorry"...hopefully this means he's remorseful. Most WS's feel guilt which while normal is still about self. What you want is remorse...which envolves accepting responsiblity for your actions and reparations to help the healing.

You're going to have a really hard time of dealing with his workplace. I too had to deal with this for a short time and it drove me crazy. My stomach would knot every morning as he left for work, and I'd be a basket case by the time he returned. (H had signed a contract at his job to stay until a set date...and she changed positions after this signing which put her in the same building as my H...nothing either of us could do about it. Up until then she was in another town working for the same company as H.)

The only way we were able to overcome this is that he told me everytime he saw her, everytime she tried to corner him, everytime she called. He'd call me at home or else would tell me as soon as he got home. (She was a piece of work!) Actually, it did began my reclaiming of trust, and it helped our communication. He discovered that if he was truthful...I could handle it. I never blamed him for her actions...only his own. So it can be a dark cloud with a silver lining. But....it's a LOT easier if he could find another job.

So TALK and LISTEN to your H. See if the two of you can agree to really keep each other informed. Discuss options on what to do if "x" happens...what not to do if "y" happens.

Good Luck!