About two years ago my husband displayed all of the classic "symptoms" of an affair. He has always been a workaholic, so his long hours didn't bother me. He lost weight, became obsessed with his appearance, started saying cruel things to me, I was fat and unattractive (this was when I was 7 months pregnant with our third child!), he joined a gym, I guess his overall emotional state was the most drastic of the changes. He was quiet, reserved, pre-occupied, moody, etc. I never in a million years thought he could ever do this to me. In fact, he still denies it to this day. He won't admit it and when I bring it up he tells me he is sick of being accused of something he never did. I suspect that the woman was his secretary at the time. She would call our house when he was home, of course, on the pretense that it was "business". What a fool I was! Never thought anything of handing him the phone. By the way, I have my Master's in political science and am waiting to go to law school, she has a high school diploma and 5 kids by 3 different men! Go figure!! I am pretty sure my husband's entire family knows and they believe we have worked through the problems. Three kids involved, poor things! Anyway, a life long friend, who works in the same town with my husband, told me she had heard the rumors and when I confronted my husband, he got extremely mad and called and confronted her. He is still in denial. Oh I also found a letter on his e-mail account to this other woman...stating that he was unhappy, I was the wrong person for him, etc. When confronted, of course he still denies, denies, denies! We have rebuilt our relationship but I still have this lingering doubt about this situation. I have sought counseling, alone, I figure if he won't admit the affair how can we go to marriage counseling. I go alone to deal with my issues! I guess I need some advice. How long do I push the issue without making him resent me? Do I believe the friend who told me this, who I later found out lied about what she said? Do I listen to my <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> gut which tells me it happened and move on from there? or do I believe my husband of 11 years, who has never given me any other reason to think he has done this before? I am very confused and feel like a big FOOL!!!!!!!! Help! Thank you!

Hi Serina,

I replied on the other thread, and I saw you started on new one.

Good luck in your career choice.

I suggest reading the links on this website and the book written by Dr. Harley, "Surviving an affair" This book helped me out alot.

This next part, is going to be the hardest to understand and accept. You cannot make him admit. The more you question, the more he will resist. He may never admit, and then again, he may admit when he feels safe to do so.

What is very important and I learned this, I hope in time to save my M, is don't get angry, and let the anger consume you. I was very angry, my H could not do anything right. Even when he tried I didn't appreciate what he did.

MC is not only for couple with infidelity, if your H is willing, you could attend MC to help improve your M. You need to pick your MC's carefully. There are those who do not know the MB concepts. I really like their concepts. If my H is ever willing to go to MC, I will look until I find one who has the MB down.

I've also heard good things about their Seminars. I'm hoping my H will agree to attend one.

And, usually your instinct is the correct one.

Sue,

You are absolutely right...don't let the anger eat away at you. Easier said than done. I feel like I have a grip on that with the help of my counselor. Also, she has helped me get back on track as far as my educational goals. I couldn't be happeier with the way my marriage is going right but I still have this lingering doubt about his unfaithfulness. I truly believe it happened and can't for the life of me understand how someone could live in such denial? Especially for so long. I am through badgering him, so i have turned to new friends on this website to at least listen to me and tell me I am not crazy and jhave hallucinated the entire thing! Thanks for listening and I am going to pick up that book. I'll have to read it while he is at work since he still denies!!haha