Well, I have had another set back. My H has an attorney representing him he is military, and adultry is a crime under the UCMJ (military rule book). His attorney was apparently going to file the No Contact Order agaisnt the OW on behalf of the family (ours) and decided that it was best not to anger the OW incase she came after us (my daughter and I) again. I suspect she has broken into my house four times in the past three months. I have called the police, and my H said he would handle it for me. Now I have found out that the attorney is concerned that the OW will go crazy and come after us, and that it might be better to hold off on the NCO until they can get a better handle on her. Mind you this is all according to my H. The OW is military also. Well, since we were tentatively working on putting everything back together, I told my H that I did not want to speak to him until he put this family first. I also told him he needed to control this woman and keep her from his family. He swears that he has had NC with her since the end of August and that he hates her for everything she has done. He said he told her from the beginning that he did not want a relationship (other than sex) and that she went crazy and threatened him when he tried to break it off. I really feel like i am in a version of Fatal Attraction. Needless to say I have told my H that he cannot come home (he is still out of the country), at least to this home, until he shows me proof that it is over, and she has been served with papers saying that she must stay away from us. He assures me it will happen by the end of the day monday. I also requested that he go to the doctor and provide me with a written copy of STD testing and the results as a condition of his return to this marriage. (Of course providing the results are negative) I really don't understand how someone can be so careless. The OW is crazy, and I feel like my H has brought her home to me through his own carelessness. Maybe I am overreacting, but i am pissed at this woman. This past Monday I came home to find that someone had been in my house, thrown the loveletters that they exchanged all over my bedroom and messed with my dog. (who unfortunatly in crate trained) I can only assume it was her or someone she hired. This whole situation is crazy. I feel like I need to run far far away, and everyone who knows my H that i have spoken to in the past few weeks tells me he is scared straight and he knows what he has done and that he must never and will never do this again. And, there is my H who begs me to talk to him and says he is so sorry and he loves me and was just confused and lonely. I am a train wreck right now. I cannot put this mess into perspective. I hope it will get better, and i will get a handle on it. I don't know how much more I can take. Well, I suppose I feel a little better having rambled on like that! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

samiace
this woman is crazy!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> i would suggest you protect yourself and your daughter FIRST!
since y'all are military she and your husband can get in BIG trouble with an affair,right?

Maybe once she has " her say" so to speak-and acts stupid for a while she will just go away.
I pray she is done with you and your H so the two of you can begin your recovery.
one thing for sure, i am sure your WH will learn for this.REALLY FAST!!!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> keep us informed, and be careful
traceys

hmmmm...weird situation...and scary. While it's true that this is your H's mess and he's the one who needs to clean it up...he can NOT control what this OW does! I disagree with his lawyer as even if a legal paper won't keep someone away...it does give you a legal leg to stand on when they do something. If she's in the military also...then they do have some control over what she does or doesn't do...and having a RO is a good first step to putting her and her commanding officer on notice. JMHO

You've set your boundaries...and they are not out of line.

One thing about having an xOW whose "over the top"...the WS gets a good dose of reality and is a lot less likely to go outside the marriage again.

You do what you need to do to protect yourself and your family. I wouldn't wait for the military to file a restraining order...I'd get a civil one on my own. NO ONE has the right to break into your home...I hope you reported this to the police...and military police if on base...and maybe even if your home isn't. Don't know enough about the military to offer advice on that one.

Good Luck! It sounds as if your H is ready to do what needs to be done to get to come home to you and your family....that's a good first step!

Hi,

I am sorry that she is CRAZY. You need to protect yourself and your daughter.

I don't know much about military, but if she is also military, then they could control her. Unless she is so crazy that she does not care about anything except revenge. Your H, cannot control her and the less contact he has with her the better. I'm sure he is feeling great remorse now that she is doing this.

I thought she was overseas too, or is she back?

What would happen if your H came clean with his superior about the A, acknowledged he messed up. Does not want to lose his military career, wants to rebuild his M with you. He could then tell them how she is behaving. Would the military be of assistance in controlling her then or would that end his career?

Hey Everyone,
My H has come clean with the military, and I did call the police. She is back from overseas. No one seems to know how to handle her. Stalking laws are vague I guess. There is no proof that it was her, who broke into the house. Her finger prints are suppose to be on the things she sent me. I basically look crazy because I think it was her. My H is too far away to do anything about it. He continues to swear that he has not spoken to her in several months.

I think I am going to be spending Monday at the courthouse filing some paperwork. I guess I am really naive, I am still baffeled by this situation.

However, I have stated reading three of the books listed on the site and i am waiting for a fourth to arrive.

How is everyone else?

Hi Samaice,

Good, he came clean with the military. One less secret out there. She was probably banking on him not admitting it.

You do not look crazy because you thought it was her. I would have thought the same thing. Everytime we get a hang up phone call, and caller ID says "unknown", I think it is her. I know I'm not crazy. The first time it occured, I was not suppose to be home. Decided to take a vacation day, and did not tell H. Phone rang, immediate hang up. Every 30 minutes the phone would ring and it would be a hang up. I made a point of answering the phone each and everytime. It was getting rather comical. This went on for about 3 hours. H, usually does not make comments about "unkown" calls or hang up calls, he jokingly asked our second S if he had a girlfriend. I told H, the girls these days boldly send notes home, they don't call and hang up. That told me, it must be her and H knows it. He did not make one attempt to get the phone. Then again, he never does when I am home.

So, you are not crazy, and you do not look crazy.

Why can't the military control her? Why couldn't her superior officer tell her, no contact or else? Why don't they reassign her somewhere else? or isn't it that simple?

Did the break in occur on base or do you have off base housing? Does this make a difference with regards to the break in as to the military involvement?

Her commanding officer thinks my H is to blame and is helping her with everything. We live off post also, and therefor fall under the local PD. I am also a civilian and must follow civilian rules not military. My H needs to do most of the on base aspect of the situation, but since he is not here, he can't. Or so he says. She also is stationed in another state, so the jurisdiction issue is huge. H and I have to follow military rules and rules in two states. He says he will kill her if she sets foot in this house and he finds out it was her. He is very angry about the situation, and continues to tell me it is not my fault and he knows that. I however, can't seem to trust that he is doing anything about it. So hence my request for him to leave me alone until he proves the NCO and RO as well as presenting me with the findings of the investigation on the A. Local cops told me they were going to call her CO (commanding officer) and tell him about the break in and assertain her whereabouts. I guess it is going to get really interesting real soon. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />