I am 26 married 8 1/2 years with 3 children. My husband is wonderful and I love him. A few months ago i had an affair , and i fell in love with the man , yet i still loved my husband. The other man has nothing that my husband dont have ,infact, my husband is a much better man. I didnt expect to fall in love , i didnt want to fall in love. It happened all so fast i really dont think i had a clue on what i was doing. I told my husband about the affair which hurt him , but he was proud i told him the truth. I also told him i loved this man , but loved him also. I am very upset with myself cause #1 i had the affair and #2 i fell in love. i have never been in love with anyone else in my whole life but my husband. now i am going through the heart ache of losing the other man. My husband the wonderful man he is went up to the other man shook his hand and said all is forgiven , he is so wonderful he lets me cry on his sholder over the pain of losing my other love. I need some help in dealing with my first heart break. What can make me get over this feeling. Why do i even have this feeling for the "OM". I miss him so much and long for him everyday. My place is to be with my husband and my children , cause if i was to be with the "OM" i wouldnt be able to take my kids , not that he wouldnt accept them just that we wouldnt have the finace's for raising kids. I want to grow old with my husband. Please help me...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The other man has nothing that my husband dont have ,infact, my husband is a much better man. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While the last part of what you said may be true, it's hard to believe that the OM has nothing over your husband, at least at the time you had the affair. Have you read any of the information on the site about emotional needs? Fill this out with your H and see if he's really meeting all of yours.

As to the feelings for the OM, I'm sorry I can't really speak to that. I'm the BS. All I can say is that there is information on this site to be had about the Harley concept of the "fog" of an affair, and there are plenty of other WSs that post here. I'm sure they will find this post and respond to help you. This is a great resource.

You need to read my post in GQII on contemplating an affair. Go there now and read about the destruction!

Clearly your husband is a better man than your OM. Do you think your husband would have attempted to get involved with a married woman with 3 children and engage in a sexual affair behind the husband's back? I am afraid that you do not see the OM for what he is. Would you really want your children to be raised by a man who has such a broken moral compass? Your husband is an impressive man who loves you with all of his heart. I think you need to get your head out of the clouds and realize how lucky you are to have such a fine man love you and be your husband. Do you really think you could have ever trusted the OM? I am sorry for your pain but you are one very lucky woman if only you would only open your eyes. I am not sure you really appreciate what you have and I think that is very sad.

HI bri_jay-

I was the WS and I think you already realize what your husband has done to show you how much he cares for you. And I think you already know how lucky you are.

What you need to know is that the pain will go away. It will take time, but you will start to think of OM less and less. I am glad you can talk to your H and that he will listen and take care of you as you go through this.

Be strong, do the no contact thing, and focus your thoughts on your husband and family. Be sure and take care of yourself too. Tell your husband what you need. Communication is the key!

Best of luck
M