I am still very angry with my H. I am trying to put everything into perspective, and i am having a hard time. We have talked a great deal about the situation (over the phone) and I am still struggling with many issues. He has really neglected me over the past few (2) years. I am very angry about that also. I know that I have not been the perfect W and I have treated him unfairly in the past, but I don't think I deserved to be cheated on.

Anyway, I am not sure I completely believe everything that he has told me about the A. He has lied to me in the past. But, the one thing he repeats everytime I bring it up is that when he was home for the month of Sep. on leave, he realized everything that he had, and still wanted. He tells me over and over again that all he wants is to be here with me and our D. Part of me wants to let him back in, and the other part is so scared that he will hurt me again. He claims the A was just sex and he never loved her, but I have a card he gave her just before they broke up that said he loved her heart and soul (card company's words) and that he would miss her. His story is that she threatened to ruin his life if he ended it, and it was just something to keep her going. She moved away the day he gave it to her, and they stopped speaking to eachother. Well, he tried to ignor her and she lashed out......(read other posts for info)

I guess what I am getting at is I know enough of the story, and I am tired of talking about it, but I feel like I still have things to say, which never seems to make it out in the conversations. I have a tendency to put up a wall when I am upset and keep others out, basically I stop talking. I was thinking that I would write my H a letter with everything I need to say in it and give it to him. That way, at least in my mind, I can get it off my chest, we won't argue about it, and I won't back down if he says something that hurts my feelings.

Any ideas? Yes on the letter? No? I am at a loss.

Hi,

Me again, I don't know about the letter. I understand the need to convey how you feel. I understand how you put up a wall and don't say all you want to. I do suggest writing it down if that is easiest for you. I don't know if you should give it to him.

You could write it here, and get others opinion of the letter before giving it to H.

H is out, so I am on line

Sorry that H is out, but I glad you signed on. You are probably right about not giving it to him. Maybe I will write it for myself. How are things with you? Have you talked with H yet?

I won't be talking to H about this for some time. I have to get through school before I can do anything. I wish it could be different. If I was to say something now, and he walked, I would have to quit school. I would not have anyone to watch the kids while I work at night, so I would have to go to working days, and quit school. I graduate in May. I'm hoping that once I confront him, he will want to work on the M, so I am trying to meet his needs to improve our M in the mean time.

Wow...I wish I could be so level headed. i get mad about something and open my mouth right away. You must be a very strong woman to be able to put life and the needs of the family and yourself before your emotions. That is amazing. I hope everything works out for you, and you get your marriage back to the way you want it. You certainly deserve it!

I used to be quick to open my mouth, and sometimes it is hard for me to contain myself. I have a very important goal for me to accomplish, so I keep reminding myself of that goal. You see, if we split now, I could not afford to support my kids on my income. Sure there is child support, and I could make then, but H has one of those jobs where he gets laid off every so often, and I would not be able to make it on what I would receive from H on unemployement. I also do love him, and I don't want my kids coming from a broken home. If working on a good plan A will improve our M and give my kids a fulfilling family to come from then all the pain and suffering will be worth it in the end.

Well...I found writing to be a very good form of communication...especially when we were faced with overcoming H's affair.

We wrote volumes. We both found it easier to really get down to the hard stuff. We did a LOT of rewrites before sending. But we were able to look at what we wrote and see if it was clear and what we really wanted to convey.

It allowed my H to tell me some pretty painful truths without having to look into my eyes while doing so. (So often he'd start speaking...and just couldn't finish.)

It allowed me to read the words and I found that much of the really painful stuff, I'd have to re-read, sometimes many times, before I was capable of "hearing" through the pain. If he would have said some of it to me...I would have never heard what he truly said, the pain would have clouded my hearing.

Writing open lots of topics which we later would take face to face. It really did work for us.

Hi everyone!
I wanted to post a note to say that I had a good day. Week 4 is looking a little better. H and I have had several small but good talks and I am feeling a little less afraid and angry. I am reading the books listed on the site, and they are helping me be a little less angry. I have read several posts today, and again hear the same words I could use to describe how I am feeling right now.

Thanks to everyone here for taking time to share each experience and to share advice. Please let me know if you need a place to vent. I don't have all of the answers, or really any at all, but I listen well!

Hi Samiace,

Glad to hear yesterday was a better day. I hope you have many more to come.