My husband of 15 1/2 years and I separated 2 months ago. One day he told me he didn't love me and moved out we have 3 kids. a week later I found out he had been on the internet chatting with women and began dating them. he is still involved with the latest one. I still love him very much but he insist that he has fallen out of live with me 3 weeks after we separated he had divorce papers drawn up I refused to sign them I had hope. But I think my hope is diminishing and I don't want it to he won't go to counsling. he said it was all my fault cause I crabed at him for so many years. Should I give up? Suggestions please. He is a firman they can shut their emotion swich off and on in a heart beat it drives me crazy when he does that cause right now for me he has it turned off with no plans of ever turning it back on.

Please e mail me with advise
Shy1ru@aol.com

Welcome, shy1!

This is probably the last place that you would want to feel welcome, as I felt when I first posted.

I'm speaking for myself and perhaps others may feel the same, but I would prefer to work on MB'ing issues via this forum. 2 reasons:

1) what advice and insights that MB'ers share we ALL can benefit from.
2) This may seem harsh, but I write this out of love, Why do you need to be emailed to!? Is there an ulterior motive? Do you want your H to see respsonses? I may be shooting in the dark on this one, but here is safe for you, others and myself for a time!

If you're not upset then let's begin:

Have you read the concept on this site: here's a link to get started... www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3550_summary.html

To answer your question "should I give up"? NO!
Just give time! If you truly love your H and want your M, read and digets concepts, principles and search around as there are many MBers who provide wisdom, insight, knowledge and care as a result of their own pains & struggles.

Right NOW...
Your H is living a fantasy, a lie...He's in a major "fog" right now. And not knowing your entire story, perhaps you could elaborate for us, that is the very least of what's going on in your M!

Others I'm sure will be along soon...in the mean time you might want to share what the preceding events were that led to his wayward ways...search yourself and be honest about what YOU have done as well as what HE has done to create an EN (emotional need) disconnect, on both of your behalfs!

WHAT TOOK PLACE IN M, THAT LED TO THIS EA/PA?

HAVE YOU & H BEEN TO COUNSELING, BEFORE? WHAT ARE THE ISSUES?

When EN's are not met the propensity for one or the other to stray is greater than when they are met...

God's blessing, be strong and hold steady!

In Christ's Name!
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I too can understand what you mean about shutting off emotions. My husband was a police officer for 25 years and I feel he has done the same thing to me. He has not even admitted to me that there is an affair going on, although he is living with her. I am not giving up hope yet and neither should you. Read the posts and you will begin to understand as I am beginning to. It has only been 3 weeks for me, but finding out, confronting my husband and his moving out all happened the same day, it's like in 24 hours I went from happily married (I thought) to alone and devistated. He doesn't even talk to me. As for the divorce papers, I wouldn't sign anything right now. What's the rush. My husband told me he doesn't want a divorce, but I am told the OW wants marriage. If he changes his mind, I know I can draw it out at least 3 years in my state and I will do that. I'll see if she is willing to wait, and by that time, he will be 62, not the best marriage candidate! (she is only 35 now). Hang in there, I am trying to, and I do find confort in these boards. Good luck!

Thaks Catch 22222 but I am trying to navigate around this site and I am having a hard time finding the places I want to go. There is no motive for anything I can get to my e mail easier then I can trying to find out what board I posted this on. I am sorry for not doing thid right but I do not use these computers that much and I have a hard time getting to the places i want to go. and How can my husband read my messages like you said. He cannot get into my email.Thanks you for your help though