Well, I know this is not going to be easy. I have been the BW in the past (another marriage. Now I have done it to my husband. He just found out on Thursday (anonymous caller)and of course is extremely hurt. I told him about what had happened... We just got married on Sept. At the beginning of November, he started acting very wierd. He did not invite me to several holidays parties, that I thought since we were married I should be at, he came home late from work (2 hours) on several occassion, no call or anything, he went out of twon with some military friends that were being deployed and came back telling some story about how some girl agrued with him becasue she confused him for some other guy that was kissing some girl. Well, I guess my instincts got the better of me. I thought for sure that he had cheated. I tried to talk to him on several occassions, I even wrote him a letter telling him how and what I felt. He said "this is Bull$%#@" and wadded it up and threw it away. I have several maile friends. Every one I talked to said that it sounded like he was regretting getting married. I have been married and divorced. My current husband knows how devestated I was, he know I don't want to go through that again. I thought since he knew that I would not divorce him, that he could do and get away with whatever he wanted. Well, one fateful night I was upset and talking to another male "friend" During this the "friend" made me feel special and wanted. He stated that my husband was a lucky man and did not know how good he had it. He made me feel better, then he kissed me. I kissed him back for some time (10 min. max)it wasn't a makeout session, but diffinately more than a peck. Then I stopped and told him I had to go home. The friend is a co-worker, so I see him frequently. I have not done anthing since then, but I haven't out myself in that situation either.

Since then things for my H and I have seemed to go better (maybe it was just a phase, or maybe I was willing to overlook it because of my guilt) but we have even just purchased a house together. Then came the anonymous call. Of course at first I denied it because I figured there was NO way anyone could find out. But, then he wanted me to take a lie detector test. I told him. He was hurt angry and called me every name in the book. He wants a reason why. I told him what I told you in the above pargraph, but he says that's bull, that that makes it sound like his fault. I keep trying to tell him that I am not shifting blame, but I was just hurting, ina volnurable position, and someone made me feel better. He seems to think that now everytime we fight I'll go find reassurance. He also seems to think that I have something for this "friend". I have told him that I am not really even sexually attracted to the man, don't love him, don't want to be with him. He says that makes it worse.

I love my H and want to stay with him. He says he wants to try to work things out. Everythime he talks to me he tells me that I am nothing but a cheater. Itold him earlier this mornign that if all he was going to do was put me down and not try, that he might as well leave. He said that he has a right to put me down after what I did to him. I also told him that you could only put someone down for so long before everything that person once was disappears. He says that he doesn;t expect me to kiss his as@, but if the tables were turned that is what he would be doing to seek my foregiveness.

I have told him that I would do whatever it takes to make our marriage work. I told him a will switch shifts so that I am no longer on the same shift as the OM. He wants me to call the other mans W and tell her about what happened. I don't want to, for obvious reasons. He also believes that there is more to this than what I am saying and still wants me to take a lie detector test to prove it. (actually it is a computer voice stress analysis test) I don't have a whole lot of faith in those things because I failed on once even though I know I was telling the truth! I told him why i was apprehensive. He states that if I don't take it then I am guilty.

What should I do? Should I wait and see if some of his anger subsides? Are we a lost cause? <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />