hi just would like to no if any one has ever had there husband say they are not sure how it happened or why and cry about it theer affair and if any one has did you hear your husband tell the other women he loved her ( on her voice mail)

143 --

I am so sorry that you're going through this horrible mess. We welcome you to MB. Know that you're not alone in this and that we will help you and walk beside you whenever you need us.

Unfortunately, many of us--far too many--have heard those words, have felt that pain and devastation, have felt overwhelmed and lost in the same way. It's a very common thread which binds us all together. Sorry to have to welcome you to the club. I not only have my wife's words on a voicemail, I have them in print from the computer. It's a terrible place to have to be but we understand and now we're here for you.

I read some of your story in your other post. You need to know that you're not going crazy but you have been severely wounded, both emotionally and physically, and you will need time to recover.

If you're comfortable with this, could you give us a little more of your story. The more we know about you, the more we can help. Are there children? Is your H sorry? Does he want your marriage to work out? What's the status of the affair at this point?

You have to hang in there. You can get through your day even for ten minutes at a time. Can't get through ten? Then try for five. It is doable, surviving the immense pain of betrayal, but it hurts unbelievably and takes a lot of time. You can do it. You're better than the situation.

I'll be on later to check in on you. Please post again and let us know how you're doing. You can do this. I'll keep you in my thoughts today...

Ammon

<small>[ January 07, 2003, 11:06 AM: Message edited by: Ammon ]</small>

A very large number of us (if not almost all) have had a WS tell us they don't know why they had the affair. (Unless they are pointing at us; telling us it is all our fault. WHICH IS A LIE!)

Most really don't have a real clue as to why they did. It takes a lot of reflection on their part after it's all over and done to come to any type of understandable "why".

Yet, it is pretty normal for whatever answer to "why?" which might be forthcoming...it's almost NEVER a satisfactory answer to the BS. We see all the other options which the WS could/should have seen and choosen which would have avoided the betrayal. But then logic and reason and caring have nothing to do with the choice of an affair.

No, I didn't "hear" the "ILY" in a voice mail or in person, over the phone...but I did read it in his emails, her emails...when I discovered his affair by snooping in his email account. I read those and much, much more. Not pleasant, not easy to overcome. Those emails which are almost three years old now, still resound in my head if I allow them to do so. (Such as now, while I am having to "re-visit" them to talk about it.)

So yes...we understand...we've been there...we know just how much it hurts and shatters us.

143-

All of the feelings you've been experiencing are completely NORMAL and believe it or not, things will get better. Most everyone that's been betrayed by their spouse has experienced the despair and anguish that you're feeling so please know that you CAN get through it. Take Ammon's advice and go a few minutes at a time. I discovered that repeated prayers got me through those times where I felt like I couldn't go on another minute. The people on this board really care about you so keep posting and let us know how things are going. Good luck and God Bless You!

143 --

Just checking in with you as promised. Hope you're hanging in there. Remember, you can do what needs to be done here. You can get through your day in tiny minute-by-minute increments if necessary, but it is doable--and you can do it!

Might I gently suggest that you consolidate your three threads into one since they all address the same topic--you! Simply choose one of them (like this one) and click on the "Post Reply" button near the top of the page. That way your responses all will appear in one post and we can stay with you and follow things much easier--you too! You don't need to post a "New Topic" each time.

Glad to see you've gathered some more of our good folk around you. We'll help you all we can. Please let us know how you're doing. Talking about really is "good for the soul," so type away.

Ammon