I have found out that my husband has been viewing LOTS of pornographic material online. Most of which is naked teens. I am horrified. We do not have a very healthy sex life, and never really have. He has always told me that there is something wrong with him that he is just not interested in sex. Well, I am afraid that now I know why. He is so preoccupied looking at these perfect little bodies that I must look like a troll. Don't get me wrong, I am not ugly or obese. I am a very healthy 31 year old that wants her husband to be attracted to her sexually. Is that so wrong? People are always telling me how pretty I am, how nice my hair is, etc. But, he never says anything. He tells me that he loves me & he could not live without me, but he does not know that I know what he has been doing. To add insult to injury, when we watch a movie and it shows inappropriate nudity I will comment about how corrupt the movie industry is. And he always tells me that he doesn't even notice the naked chics because "I broke him from that." No, he jut hides the fact that he is a perv. I do not know what to do. Should I confront him, should I seek counseling? Is this a normal "man" thing and should I just drop it? I am dying here. My heart feels ripped in to. It literally feels like he is cheating on me.

Yor story is an interesting one. How young is young of what he is viewing? I know of many men that have Playboy mag. I think it is a healthy attitute, so long as your sex life and marriage is healthy as well. All so keep tabs on other things besides the computer. Do a little discreat snooping around to see if he is having or considering an affair. My wife confessed to me about one 3 weeks ago and I suspected one all along.
Look through emails messages on your computer, keep tabs on your computer either that and get ride of it. It is not worth the marraige

Look at the Cellphone log, my whife used her cell phone to call the other guy a lot.

Working long hours or talking about co workers alot to you. That happened to me as well

Ask out bluntly if he is having an affair, rememerb the first line of defense is deny deny and deny.

Trust your gut instinct, all the time!

Confrom him on the porn before things get out of control. You may still have time if he is considering an affair.

Buy him a book by the Author Gary Neuman about how to prevent an affair from happening. I forced my wife to read it and it is helping her understand what lead up to it

Hi Kdsams,

Welcome to MB! I'm sorry that you are going through this pain.

To answer some of your questions...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Should I confront him, should I seek counseling? Is this a normal "man" thing and should I just drop it?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you can "confront" him in a loving, godly, manner, then yes, I think that it is VERY appropriate that you confront him. I would do this more in a manner of how much this hurts the intimacy between you rather than how "bad and perverted" HE is. Take the focus off of him and let him know that his actions are hurting your relationship with you. IMHO, I don't think that this is a "man" thing. Yes, we men are conditioned to lust after women, but that isn't the way that God designed us... so I don't buy into the theory that "all men do it".

Check out New Life Ministries Every Man's Battle deals with this common problem in a very straight forward, Christian manner. You can order the book on-line...

Again, welcome to MB... you are not alone. I'm sure that you'll have more replies from others that are struggling with the same issues.

Semper Fi,
RIF90

kds-

by the sounds of things, your H could very well be in the throws of SA. I have to share with you that my behavior was very similar...there's no cure, however there is great hope in full recovery...I've not "acted out" (SLAA term) or felt urges in almost 3 months...everyday gets much easier...although my W came to my apartment the other day and showered and was half naked in front of me...I became very aroused and attmpted to ma$tu4b@te that evening and was unsuccessful...I felt so GOOD after NOT acting out... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> ...I share this with you because the likelyhood of your H "acting out" is higly probable!!

What can you do? You have several options...you could attend an SLAA meeting on your accord, grab as much material as you possibly can, they have pamphlets. Read them over and YOU make the determination of his plight! You could even leave a pamphlet out in the open for him to see...see if it raises questions. Should it raise questions, that will be your opportunity, based on Plan A principles, to approach him about your discovery and that you have concern for YOUR EN of SF! Make it your issue as well!

Duel ownnership of marital issues is so critical...you have to be a 'saleswoman'...use the right words of love, care and honesty and YOU'll see his walls come tumbling down.

In Christ's Holy Name!
<><

I'm praying for your strength, right now!

I have no idea what half of these capital letter combinations mean. SA, SLAA, EN, SF?

Help?

Not sure what SLAA means, but SA is sexual addiction, EN is emotional needs, SF is sexual fullfillment... These are terms from the book Surviving An Affair and are used here on the MB web site.

There's a list of all of the accronyms somewhere, but I don't remember where. Maybe somebody can post it....

I have moved this post under your new section so as to keep thread current.

<small>[ January 10, 2003, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: Workin_On_It ]</small>