Fran - I'm copying your post here from my Guidelines post so you can get more responses.

Posted by Stunned in San Diego:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks to anyone who responds and offers wisdom or support. This website is a God Send and it is frightening how prevalent affairs are....

I found out in July but waited until September to tell all. All summer I begged, pleaded and cried for him to tell me the truth. He denied everything and said they were "only friends"...that she was not pretty and quite pudgy. He grew increasingly distant, angry and took off several nights in a fit of rage. Well, I'm very slender and attractive and we had a fairy tale relationship of love, honor, respect, laughter and good times. Until last summer.

What I learned about this man I love:
Through his cell phone bills I learned that he called OW 4-5 times per day for 2-3 minute calls.
They met in a motel twice for afternoon sex.
They advertised on a wife swapping website for other partners.
They found another partner and engaged in 2 women and one man sex (my boyfriends fantasy).
OW is married.
He and OW visited swinger's club at least once in the past year.
He cheated on his former girlfriend several times.
I'm pretty sure last girlfriend ended their 5 yr relationship because of infidelity.

He cried and sobbed and begged my forgiveness in September. I believed he loved me deeply and I love him so I agreed to try but he needed to move out of MY home while I healed and grieved. AND have no further contact with OW. We sent email together to her. We continue to spend every evening together but since we both work from home, he stays at his apt during day and MY home at night. My entire famiy including my 2 children DO NOT like my boyfriend. Most of my friends DO NOT like him. They all say the same thing: he is superficial, aloof and condescending and gives them "the creeps".

Sunday night, I checked his cell phone and he had called the OW from the 3-some. I called her myself and she admitted "seeing" him.

I asked him to be honest with me and tell me the truth and he got angry and denied any contact. I lost control, screamed at him to STOP lying and then hit him on his chest for emphasis.
I apologized but feel like crap.

Now, he acting as if I'm the horrible person.

Is there hope for a man who has cheated on previous girlfriends, secretly gone to swapping clubs, advertised on internet for 2nd woman to join him and OW.

As I write this I feel sick....Yet I love this man for all the wonderful, loving, tender qualities he shows me 95% of the time.

Why would he cheat again after I forgave him and trusted him????
I am sooooo hurt...

Am I crazy???????

(I'm well educated, kind, loving, mother of 2 grown sucessful children, have tons of wonderful friends and family)

Fran </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Fran - you're not married, right? Why continue to put yourself thru this? I suggest you seriously consider dumping this creep. Yes, this site is all about building strong marriages, but he has demonstrated he's not worth your efforts. Sorry. Just my humble opinion.

You're NOT crazy! You're betrayed. Personally, I'd not walk down this path with this man already knowing his past actions.

While it's true that we all know infidelity can touch our relationships/marriages going into them...knowing it already has and to this extent...no way would I continue to tie my life with him when you don't already have a family, social responsibilities, joined money, etc. JMHO

He's not been honest from the get-go...it's doubtful that unless he gets a lot of professional help...he's not going to change his "spots".

Thanks to both Wifey and WAT.
I am not married. I was married for 19 yrs, ended 11 years ago peacefully, etc.
Dated several long term relationships since then. Never had this problem before. Heard about betrayal, counseled friends to look within the marriage to make it better, more loving, more considerate, etc.
Now....I sit and wonder what I can possibly do to make things better and I honestly can't think of ONE thing.
As you say, I'm not crazy....just betrayed and hurt and dissapointed.

I think you are right....he is a creep. And I don't usually say bad things about anyone. But wife swapping, 3-somes and meeting women in motels when you have a perfectly wonderful woman at home that loves and supports you (yes, I own the home, I pay the bills, I've gotten 2 promotions and a bonus in 2 yrs and he still has no job, he lost over a million in the stock market downfall)Instead of looking for a job, he's been looking for a new sexual adventure.
I think he likes 'bad girls'.....and I'm simply not bad enough.