I have been married for a little over 3 years. Somewhere around 6 months after we married I found out my H was looking at pornography on the internet, sometimes 50 sites or more a day. I didn't say anything for about a week because I wanted to have time to gather my thoughts and feelings about this first. I decided to talk with a couple from my church and they helped me with the confrontation.
When I confronted him he was so embarassed and promised he would stop. About 6 months later I stumbled on it again and went through the whole thing again. Needless to say I don't think he ever stopped, because 3 days ago I found more. He had been getting really good at hiding it but he forgot to empty recyle bin the other day and now I know.
The last time this happened I told him I would leave and we would have to go to counseling before I would come back, but I can't even bring myself to let him know that I know. And I do not want to leave.

Any advise will be greatly apriciated Thank You and God Bless

He needs to go to counseling!

I feel so sorry for your repeated discoveries but I think it is his problem and not yours. He needs to get help before you can have a successful M. Is he open to counseling???

He has said in the past that he is willing to get help and we did get some from our church but I feel we are back at square one again. The couple that counseled us at church has recently moved and I know that you should be able to trust your church family, but I also know you can't trust everyone so now Iam triing to decide who to go to on this. Or if I should look else where and try to find somone who specializes in addiction. So many people have differnt veiw especially nonbelievers. I have a friend that went through the same thing and I called her last night and she said that at least he was coming to me afterwards. I thought that was a pretty low thing to say, you know he surfs the net and gets turned on then comes to me to finish the job I refuse to be the other woman in my marriage, and be compared to these women who take there clothed off for the world to see.
I know he loves me deeply there is no doubt about that, but I feel he doesn't love me enough to want to stop.

Hi SSueSnow,

Sorry to dissagree with STTSI, but IMHO, since this is causing a problem in your M, then it is your problem as well. Yes, he is the one looking at pornography, but it is affecting BOTH of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm not minimizing your pain or betrayal, but I wouldn't be too quick to give your H an ultimatum. You do need to confront him, but try to do so in a loving way. Having some other couple from your church confront him would definitely be a LB IMHO... Would you want your H to discuss something about YOU with another couple from your church BEFORE he discussed it with you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Why don't you see if your H is willing to visit the New Life Ministries site. They have a program called "Every Man's Battle" that deals specifically with sexual purity. Every Man's Battle This is a Christ centered program and they address the very issue that you are dealing with.

Wishing you and your H the best...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

RIF90- I agree with you that it is a problem that is affecting the M thus making it their problem. All I meant was he is the one who needs counseling for his problem.

SSueSnow- There is probably some EN's that he has that you are not fullfilling. Can you try to find out what they are? He needs counseling but you should also be willing to go with him and accept the fact that there may be some changes that you mey need to make to help out you M. As I am only semi-religious I would not feel comfortable talking about the situation to people that I would see constantly forever. I would feel more comfortable talking to an independent counselor who might specialize in sexual addictions. That way it might be easier for the two of you to put the past behind you later on. That is just my opinion. I will check out that link RIF90 posted.

STTSI

I really feel for you and I know what you are going through. I have been married for 10 years and we also have 4 children. Off and on throughout our marriage my husband has struggled with pornography issues. Same cycle. I find out, we argue, he trys to deny, then admits, says sorry, months later,it happens again. I know he loves me, so why would he keep hurting me? The answer addiction. Addicted people hurt the people they love most. It is really difficult, but, my conselor told me to try not to take it so personally and that I need to learn to be a women of grace. I couldn't understand how it couldn't be personal. He said " think of it like a food addiction" It is the same driving force, an escape from the pain of reality into a feel good fix. I try to approach him in a loving non condemning way. this is hard. It is really important for your husband to find a good christian counselor or friend who he can be honest with and who can keep him accountable. Pray that the Lord would convict him and not allow him to keep his struggles a secret.It's a battle and I don't know if the trust can ever be 100% restored, but I owe it to my kids and God to try to maintain my marriage. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.