One week ago my husband & I discussed my feelings that he is having an affair and again he denied.I know from my gut feelings-married 35 yrs-and the physical evidance that he is looking me in the eye and lying!I can't think straight, barely function at work,losing weight. He helps with the house and goes out of his way to do nice things for me but I know he is seeing someone else and I'm positive I know who it is. I have a great urge to call her but don't know if that is wise. I know his family and work friends are aware from some of the responses he has given over the telephone.I have offered to leave and he says he doesn't want me to and all I can figure is he wants cake and eat it too. I just don't know what to do and can't make myself concentrate on the helpful articles on this site at this time. I have told no one and don't intend to. I really feel things will not resolve until he tells me the truth. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Hi~! I'm so sorry to hear someone in the same situation as myself. Maybe we can help each other. My situation is SO similar to yours! I too could contact the OW, actually; I have. She said she loves him, has pictures of them together, knows about me and my family, but will end their relationship b/c she has talked to me. I just don't believe it. Im sooooooo hurt, shocked, distracted, depressed (the list goes on.) Basically, I share in the experience with you, but I don't have any solution (I"m sorry). I don't know if its a good idea to contact the ow. After talking to her, I told my husband of our conversation, and of course, he denied everything. Now, I feel like I'm left with everything to feel bad about and worry about, while he and she continue on as they have been for probably 4 months or so. If you would like to stay in touch, I'd really like that. Maybe in some way, we can be of help to each other as our stories unfold. Another problem I have, is deciding whether what she told me is true, partially true, or all wrong. *(He tells me it was his friend who's been using his cell phone, but things don't add up). For that and other reasons, I would almost advise against contacting her, unless you can handle a lot of stress, and more questions. I find that I'm now questioning everything he tells me after talking to her. Please let me know how things turn out for you.

Dear Upset... I am going through a very similar situation at this very moment and I understand where you are now at this moment. I also feel that I need to know the truth. He denies everything but evidence is overwhelming. My post is titled HELP...WALK ME THROUGH THIS. You can read my saga if you'd like. I strongly believe that you do need to talk w/ someone. Do you have a strong support system of friends or church family? I am telling you that if I didn't have anyone to talk to I would go crazy! Also if you can see a counselor, a Christian one. I went on my own initially and now my H is attending w/ me. There is a light of hope in that he is going. But again, he still denies. I may never know. And this OW I am suspecting is in another country. He has traveled there 7 times last year. Hold off on confronting the OW until you can get some sound advice from someone you trust. There are many opinions on confronting the OW alone, you will know what to do. Stay in tuned to this site, these are a great group of people!! And most importantly if you are a Christian woman, STAY IN THE WORD EVERYDAY. You'll be continually amazed what will be revealed to you by the Lord. I will pray for you. Stay strong. Take care of yourself, exercise, and keep yourself as healthy as you can during this crisis.(I lost 15 pounds in a month and a half). You will make it through this.