My H went out for dinner (again) on Sat with the OW although he said he was just going to work (yes, on a Sat.). He did not come home until 4AM. I figured it was time to give him the Plan B letter that I had prepared prior to Christmas. When he came home, I blew up and demanded where he was and whom he was with. He admitted he was with the OW and said she called him and asked him out to dinner.

I really can't take this anymore. His dinner was still sitting on our kitchen table. Our daughters set the table "as if" he were coming home to eat. They have been doing this for 5 months and he refuses to eat with his family. He has eaten out with the OW for lunch and dinner for the entire time. She is a single coworker and works on the same project he does, although she is levels lower than him. He now feels that if it were not for her, his programs at work would fail. She is weak and needy but kisses his a$$ every day and he loves that. I recently found out that she already broke up a marriage in her department and is now working on breaking up ours.

Anyway, I handed him the letter and he read it. BUT he did not respond or even want to talk about it. I asked if he had any questions and he said no. I also told him that I had been in contact with an attorney regarding finances and he was none too happy. He said we don’t need an attorney; we can split things up among ourselves. I asked him what the OW had to offer him and it took him a good 5 minutes to answer. He said, “The R that I have with her is one that I should have with you.” What does that mean? He said he could talk to her without getting stressed. I mentioned that the OW was probably the reason he took off his wedding band and then I said, “What would happen if you put it back on?” he said “She would probably flip out and have a fit.” She is controlling his life and he can’t see it.

I found out today that he gave her his Express Credit card and she has it charged up this month to $400. She is using him and in the meantime, our checking account is in overdraft. He spent $3000 last month. And he expects me to pay our Discover bill, which has all of Christmas and groceries. I run an online business but do not make much money off it and have not had time to devote to it since I have a newborn and 3 other children not to mention that I cannot concentrate on work. The taxes are also due the end of the month and he said that if I do not pay the bill, it would not get paid. But he made sure that his bill is scheduled to be paid. How fair is this? He is spending money on someone else while I am home caring for our children and he expects me to pay the bills.

I wish he would make up his mind to either leave or stay. I have asked him to leave several time and even packed his bags once. He unpacked them and never takes me seriously. He says he is home but he only sleeps and showers here. He goes to work and comes home around 12 or 2 M each night. We have been going in our hot tub lately and talk, mostly about his work not about our R. I don’t know how much more I can take. He has a newborn son that he ignores, his daughters miss him terribly and my stomach is constantly in knots. He sends me mixed messages all the time. One minute he says he loves me and the next he is out with the OW.

Please let me know which direction I should take at this point, I am all out of ideas. Thanks!

I am not an expert, nor an attorney nor a banker, but my gut instinct suggests the following:
My initial advice would be to go to the bank and move funds in joint account to your name only account. I would contact credit card company and have the account closed (if you are a joint holder, you can't if just an authorized user), call the attorney ASAP. Your children are suffering in this, you are suffering, and meantime, he is eating having his cake and eating it too. Take control of your assests and liabilities. This person, from your letter, is using you big time. If he's not willing to drop her now, then the message is clear.

I strongly suggest professional help for you and for your kids. This situation is creating severe damage to you and them. Seek help quickly.

lj,
You have to have a deadline on Plan A. And then you have to do Plan A to the best of your ability. AT which point, you then go to Plan B. Don't threaten Plan B, just do it!! You need to read up on this forum as much as possible and buy the books Surviving An Affair and Torn Asunder. It doesn't sound like he is taking you seriously, but if you don't give your best Plan A, you won't feel good about it. Then you have to be strong in Plan B. It's not for wimps. Set all your plans in motion prior to giving him the letter, including having someone there to assist you to have him removed from the home.

Keep posting her for advice and support.

Good luck and God Bless!

I have been told to roll with the punches... and as soon as you realize that you can't anymore, move out of the way!

Your H obviously has found a way to enjoy life... making you suffer...while he's misguided by the OW.

God bless your little angels...

I am shocked with your suffering... can't even understand how this can happen in this world... I'm here if you need someone to talk to...