I don't think my husband has had an affair yet, but I think he's tempted.

Last Saturday he called to tell me he was going to have a beer with the guys after work, which is totally cool with me. He says he'll be home in a couple of hours. Three hours later I tried many times to reach him on his cell phone, no answer. He finally notices I've been calling and calls me back (I've already figured out he's been at a strip club by then). I asked him where he was and he confirmed my suspicions. I was angry. We've been to the clubs together before, but he has said he didn't want to go without me. Well he did. We argue. He tells me some of the guys want to come to our house to hang out and I say ok. He shows up at our house with a woman he works with. She's slightly older than him, single, attractive, etc. Well we're hanging out, playing cards etc. when my husband then starts insinuating that he wants the other woman and me to have sex or that the three of us should watch an X rated film together. I have never given my husband reason to believe I would want to do any of these things. I have thwarted his suggestions in the past, but he's never gone so far as to bring someone to our house.
The next day I am still angry (probably more so since the shock has worn off and I've had time to think). I tell him I am angry and hurt and scared. He is indignant at first saying he doesn't understand why I'm so upset. He says I shouldn't be mad since he didn't lie about where he'd been. However he did lie about who he was going to have drinks with. After arguing he says he's sorry, he used bad judgment, it will never happen again, etc. etc... and now I'm supposed to forget it ever happened, but I keep thinking about it and wondering what he's going to do next. I love him and I don't want to lose him or even a part of him. What do I do?

Rather he is having an affair, fantasizing about a three way...whatever...he crossed a very big boundary when he discussed this in any way with another person present. Some of this is pretty normal fantasies for men...but when they start looking for partners and picking them out and talking about this with them...it's moving out of the fantasy and into reality.

This was extremely disrespectful to you, the sexual side of your marriage is PRIVATE. This may even have been very disrespectful to this woman who may have no wish to be included in this type of fantasy. (btw...what was her reaction to what your H said?)

What to do? State your boundaries to your H so that there can be no misunderstanding of what you expect. Find out if he is willing to agree to your boundaries or even if you both need to sit down and discuss what is acceptable and what is not for each of you.

I'd accept H's apology...but I'd also inform him that nothing like this should ever happen again.

(You might tell him if there are any three-ways to be considered in any form, it is to be "two men...one woman"...and that should shoot the h&ll out of his fantasy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> If not...tell him you were joking and that no third party will ever be accepted into your marriage...period!)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> (You might tell him if there are any three-ways to be considered in any form, it is to be "two men...one woman"...and that should shoot the h&ll out of his fantasy!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL! Good one! Tell him you want to see him get it on with another man and see if he still looks at it the same way! Good for the goose...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by just a wifey 2002:
<strong>Rather he is having an affair, fantasizing about a three way...whatever...he crossed a very big boundary when he discussed this in any way with another person present. Some of this is pretty normal fantasies for men...but when they start looking for partners and picking them out and talking about this with them...it's moving out of the fantasy and into reality.

This was extremely disrespectful to you, the sexual side of your marriage is PRIVATE. This may even have been very disrespectful to this woman who may have no wish to be included in this type of fantasy. (btw...what was her reaction to what your H said?)

What to do? State your boundaries to your H so that there can be no misunderstanding of what you expect. Find out if he is willing to agree to your boundaries or even if you both need to sit down and discuss what is acceptable and what is not for each of you.

I'd accept H's apology...but I'd also inform him that nothing like this should ever happen again.

(You might tell him if there are any three-ways to be considered in any form, it is to be "two men...one woman"...and that should shoot the h&ll out of his fantasy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> If not...tell him you were joking and that no third party will ever be accepted into your marriage...period!)</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">