I have been emotionally deprived by my husband for 12 years. All I wanted was to be treated kindly, with politeness and with love. He claimed he loved me and wanted me to love him back. 2 years into our marriage I fell out of love with him. I just got tired of waiting for that bond to take place, the friendship I craved with him never happened. I've gone through the entire marriage thinking it has all been a huge mistake. Every time I began to feel close to him, he pushed me away either through his body language, his tone of voice or his abruptness and impatience. He wanted me to be in love with him and tried everything except the obvious: politeness, kindness and friendship. In the last six months, it has changed slowly. I've slowly fallen back in love with him and am at the point of being totally in love with him....BUT, in the past month, he has fallen in love with someone else. Said he got tired of waiting for me to love him like he felt he should be loved. He has become emotionally involved with her. (not sexually YET) Sometimes I think it would be better for him to have been sexually involved with her and it mean nothing than to be emotionally involved and it mean everything to him. It's killing me because this emotional involvement and friendship is what I've craved from him for the last 12 years. How could he just do this with someone else in a matter of one month? How could he? Last week he had decided to stay- for the kids (3). There is no security in that. He still continues to have contact with the OW at work. Says he doesn't think he can fall in love with me again because he is afraid of getting burned by me again. Why does he not trust me? What is he so afraid of? What can I do to instill his trust in me again? When I ask him, he doesn't know.

You are very much where I was 3 years ago. Hey, if we could survive H's emotional entanglement with someone else, and end up very inlove with each other, there is hope for you too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

To save time, I am going to cut & paste some general info for you:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by johnh39, edited by moi:
<strong>Harley has said it does not matter why there is a commitment to a marriage, it just matters that there is one. It (ie, staying for the kids)may not be a great start, but it is a start.

1.) Learn. Read everything in the Basic Concepts section of this site. Next, read all the Q&A's on infidelity on this site. They are found at How to Survive Infidelity Then buy and read “Surviving an Affair”, by Willard Harley, (hereinafter referred to as “SAA”) available at the Bookstore. SAA is THE best book on the market for helping one get to the root of “the message of the affair” (BUT YOU HAVE TO DO THE QUESTIONAIRES!). It (along with the Basic Concepts section of this site) is also helpful for giving you a vision of what a great marriage should look like. The approach of SAA to this problem is that the best defense against affairs is to have a great marriage. My wife said we had a good marriage, but she still had an affair. She was kidding herself, but it was not until we read SAA and saw what a great marriage should look like that we could clearly identify the problem areas and had the tools necessary to fix them.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you and your H follow the MB plan, I truly believe there is a good chance you can recover from this and end up in a better marriage.

Good luck--

Kathi