<small>[ January 27, 2003, 10:10 AM: Message edited by: heartbroken52 ]</small>

heartbroken,
Go with your gut. If you feel that he is lying then he probably is, if you don't FEEL it, but you THINK it then it's 50/50. Right now I wouldn't trust a word he says, if your here then you more than likely already FEEL it and are looking for guidance. WS are unbelievable in their explanations, etc. I would never have thought my wife could do this to me, and I would never have thought that she could lie and sneek as good as she has. I can't explain it, but they are not themselves.

I'm fairly new here so I can't give you a whole lot of advise. But, I did find out about my W's lies, and EA/PA by listening to my GUT, not my head.

Heartbroken,
Sorry to hear your problems. Question him about and look into his eyes when doing it. I have found that people who lie cannot look you in face, especially eye contact. They'll look all around but not at you.(unless there that good at it)
Go with you gut.
Good luck

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 10:08 AM: Message edited by: heartbroken52 ]</small>

Heartbroken,

Sorry you have to be here. I'm pretty new here so I know there are people with more experience to help you but I'll give you a thought. If you feel that something is going on you are probably right. For some reason we try to ignore our gut feelings but 9 out of 10 times they are right on the money.

The note could be the OW way of letting you find out about her without having to come right out and tell you. But no matter who wrote it usually where there's smoke their is fire. So I think you have to figure out how to get the truth, and then what you want to do with it. Don't ask a question you don't want the answer to.

Tell us about yourself, do you have kids, How long married stuff like that. It helps to know what else is going on in your life. You picked a great place to come for help. These are wonderful people who really, really know what you are going thru.

Keep posting it helps.

Used

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: heartbroken52 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They'll look all around but not at you.(unless there that good at it)
Go with you gut.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The very thing my my WW was doing. Walls, floor, cabinets, doors, and everywhere else but at me. Funny thing is that since 10/27/2002 she can look at me. She says that is a "conscious effort" on her part.

Trust your gut.

I to am fairly new here , but I see the thing about swearing is killing u cause that is y u want to belive him. It dont make sense to u he would swear on his mother . I can tell u if he is lieing H will say and do anything . MINE swore that his KIDS should die in there sleep !!!!!!!!!!

He was having A !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MY gut told me even before I had any proff .

SNOOP KEEP SNOOPING Just don't get cuort until u have proff . can u visit at work? just pop up for lunch ?

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 10:13 AM: Message edited by: heartbroken52 ]</small>

Heartbroken -

I also received an anonymous note, my wife swore she was faithful, etc. In the end, I discovered that she had a multi-year affair with a co-worker. So, as others have said, trust your instincts and find out you can.

As painful as it is, if your H is indeed having an affair, he will most likely continue to lie, deceive, cover up, do anything to avoid having to "fess up." In the meantime, absorb all the information you can on this site and from the books often referred to. Keep posting also, as there are so many here who have been in your shoes and will be able to help you cope in the painful days ahead.

I'll pray for you and your husband today. Take care.

So sorry you are faced with this. Please read what is offered here on site and take what you feel will benefit your marriage and keep the rest on a backburner as needed.

I agree with everyone else...if you think it's true, it likely is. The fact that you are here leads me to believe that you do think it's true.

I disagree with wakemeup...a liar will look you directly in the face and eyes and lie like a dog! The swearing on whatever is only an attempt to make you believe them. They will deny, deny, deny even when shown proof, then they will downplay, try to rewrite histroy, avoid telling the whole truth by any means necessary. (Yes, some will indeed not look you in the face...but someone who has been lying for long enough to have an affair, usually doesn't have a problem with this.)

One item in your post got my attention it was:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...and wanted to leave me because he was the cause of my pain </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is very typical WS behavior of placing the blame onto you for their leaving. They are suddenly being self-sacraficing by leaving the home to "save" you from being hurt! THIS IS BS!!! (not betrayed spouse...the other BS) This is NOT about your hurt...this is about him wanting an excuse to do whatever he wants without accountablity to anyone.

IF he doesn't want to see you hurting, he'd be doing something to show you his commitment to the marriage, his love for you and family, and doing whatever was necessary to put your mind at rest. He would NOT be denying that he even knew these women, when in fact he did, and he would not be telling you to just "forget about it". He would understand that you need him to show he is trustworthy and would be actively pursuing this.

LOTS of married people flirt! BUT...lots of flirty people NEVER cross lines, they never share with another what is personal and private in the marriage, they don't start conversations which are highly sexual in nature, they do NOT cross boundaries or make their spouse's feel uncomfortable, insecure, or SAD! jmho

Dear Heartbroken,

So sorry that you are in this posistion. Everyone is right, your instincts are usually right. Mine were 100% of the time. My FWH would lie at first too but I always knew.

If you don't find out for sure you will go crazy..you say you can't follow him, so hire a private dective, buy spy software for your computer, follow OW, etc. There is always a way.

Best wishes!

<small>[ January 27, 2003, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: heartbroken52 ]</small>