For me, understanding why the A took place is far more important than gathering all the details of what happened. I am the DW who knows that my WH has lost his feelings for me over the years. His most important EN's were not being met apparently and he withdrew from me in his own way. He did not leave the house, but he was somewhat gone from the relationship for years. We now this and need help with getting the love back in our relationship before he gives up on it once and for all. Right now he feels like is whole life is crumbling around him and doesn't know how to get out of it. He knows there isn't a quick fix for this even though that is exactly what he is used to doing. He is finally detached from OW after 3 months of it being exposed.He had and is still having a hard time with the separation, guilt, and hurt.I have strength to continue to work on our relationship- I still love and care for him. He has to work on himself first we realize but how long does it go on for?

It sounds like you have a good grasp on reality. We both know the why and are trying to deal with the time. I just read SMK's post from way back and it gives a great timeline. Now of course, all marriages are different but it sure enlightened me as to the minium of what I/We can expect for the next year or so.

Try reading this for some insight.

The SMK Chronicles

Reality is that if your spouse was really never in love with you. He would have never slept with another woman. He knew sleeping with another woman would destroy you but he didnt care enough about you or hurting you. It feels good that he shows you and tells you that he cares BUT reality is he has no problem hurting you or breaking apart your marriage. There isnt a quick fix, there isnt even a fix, just accepting the fact he is and capable of adulty is all you need to overcome.

Bog - are you in counceling? I see you posting these messages all over the board. You are obviously hurting. Please get yourself some help. Hanging on to the anger like this is hurtful to YOU.