I'm so glad I'm not a lone. Reading all of your postings have been such a help as well as comfort.My H is still seeing OW I trying to under stand his confusion. Giving him time is has been very difficult to say the least. I feel if he deciedes to stay I want it to be for the wright reasons not forced or made to feel guilty.He is supposed to be braking it off today for the 3ard time. Do I ask or let it go? He tells me he loves us both. I feel very nerve.Any advice? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

married 19 years
2 childern 13 and 9
ow about 2 months

jmho...never let it go! He's got to make a decision. If he wants the marriage...end the affair. If he wants the affair...end the marriage.

I am not the best one to give advice when an affair is on-going...as I am very hard about this aspect. Hopefully, you'll get what may be better advice from someone who has dealt with this situation successfully.

Good Luck!

Thanks, Wifey. Alomost afraid to go home. Should I ask H or let it go.

did you go home? what happened? I would let it go for a day or so but then bring it up again soon. I also am not the best for this cause my WW's A is still going strong.

Good luck!
STTSI

I did go home nothing has changed. I'm trying to wait it out. The only ones need being meet is his. He dose not want to leave ( or give OW up). I'm not sure how to feel. Now he tells me that he loves me more. So what's that meen? I saw a therapist sat.He said I should figure out if I can live with this. Maybe I could if my needs were meet. He was gone all day sat. Sunday on the phone most of the day. He is open to counsling he dose see his own but he thinks this situation can work. Like I said only H needs meet.I think I even feel sorry for OW it not any better for her.

Thanks, For input

kp6464 ,
I haven't posted for awhile but your post striked my eye.
D-D was 2 years ago for us now and I just wanted to share what I did when I was in your situation.

My H affair was going on for 3months when I found out. I confronted him immediately and he told me that he loved us both. He told me he wanted to stay friends blah.........
This was his response after about 5 minutes when I confronted him.

I told him I wouldn't accept any contact whatsoever. It would have to be over or I would let him go. I only wanted him to be happy and if it was this that he needed I would let him.
Well he did end the affair right away.

At this time, I didn't know about Marriage Builders but what I then did, I would say was a perfect Plan A.
I planned my butt off, yupp and I hardly had a butt anymore, due to so much weight loss. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

He was quit "fogged up" for at least another 2 months but slowly the fog lifted. We took off for a 2 week trip to the Caribic and this is when I believe that we fell in love again.

When I found out about MB, alot of things became so clear and it all made so much sense.

So all I can suggest would to think what Emotional Needs your H is getting fullfilled from OW and GO for them!!!!!!!!!! Give it to him with all your Heart!!!!
After all, she can't fullfill all of em. So take this as a benefit for yourself. Don't be phony and don't do things that are not "you" but do the things that had always made you attractive for him.

be the best listener (don't interrupt)
show him admiration
tell him what you find good about him
if it takes "sex" give it to him (protected)
take the best care of yourself
give him "warm" smiles (I know this can be difficult at times)
do fun things with him to make the atmosphere "light" and fun
if he lets you gives him warm hugs
cook him good meals and top them with a good bottle of wine
don't discuss your "relationship" nor pressure him

I'm just telling you what helped us during this time of our marriage. I gave him the best sides of "me" and waited for the fog to lift. We were then slowly but surely able to discuss things. This has gotten better and better. But it all takes alot of time.

The most important part right now is to give him reasons to "enjoy" being with you.

I hope this helps.

hugs
bb

biondblossom,

I two met and married young. I have gained a lot of weight(working hard to lose it.)I wanted to send you a privet note. It said I can't. It almost seems if you know just how I'm feeling.I'm working and can only reply when on a brake.Your poem is just how I feel.I wish I new if H felt the same.I'm not the best typer.Very glad you posted. Thanks

kp6464 ,

I'm sorry but I don't know how this "private" note stuff works. I tryed to change something in my profile, so it might work.

I'm sure many others can feel and understand what you are going through.
All I can say is I gave him the BEST of me and it seemed to "Blow" his mind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I mean, I know him better than anyone else, it was just that I had held back so many feelings and "fantasies" for so many years. I think I was sorta stuck for quit a few years. I'm talking about "sexuality" and this is what seemed to have made the difference.

Since we met very young and neither of us really had all that much experience I couldn't imagine myself doing things that other "grown-ups do. I hope that doesn't sound wierd.

It wasn't that I didn't have the desire, it was just that I really didn't trust myself and I didn't believe that my H wanted these things.
I wasn't aware for his need to feel desired and admired. I wasn't aware that he loved to hear "smoochy" things. I wasn't aware of these things until I started doing and saying them.

For me he was always the "Best" and I didn't think he needed me to tell him this. I somehow must of lost the part that he was a "MAN" and not the 17 year old I had met and fell in love to.

His affair gave him this feeling. It gave him the feeling of being a real "MAN" and he felt good about that.

I don't know why, but I was able to drop all my "embarrassement" and I gave him about anything a man can imagine.
Hey, OW was a very experienced woman and yet something told me, if that is what he likes and needs then I'll go for it.

I think I really must of been unbelievable for him at times because he told me he never experienced those kinda things ever before, not even with OW!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Since sexuality was great, we became closer and closer again. OW wouldn't of had a chance anymore at least not after all the things I was able to give my H.
I cooked his favorite meals, we went out alot and had fun.

We had romantic bathtub sessions. We must be the "cleanest" couple you can imagine! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gosh, I could go on and on.............. I really gave him "heaven" and I'm getting my share now too.

Try to put yourself into the mind of the OW. She only shows her "shiny" side, doesn't she????
That's about all your H wants to deal with right now. This will surely get him back onto track again. Don't pressure him, don't discuss relationship, just try to make your time together pleasant and light.
Think back to the time when you started to date. I know you were also very young and yet I don't think that the feelings that afairees have are much different.

If you would like to write to me privately, give me a mail adress and I will reply.

don't forget, take care of yourself
bb

blossomfblond,

I sent you an e-mail but it came back. Is it the one on the bottom of your posting.

Hi kp6464 ,

my email is the one on my bottom line. I tryed it and it did seem to work. I'm not all that great when it comes to these kinda things but if it doesn't work maybe you'd just like to give me a email address and I'll reply to you.
So please don't give up, it's gonna work some how! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

hugs
bb

biossomofblond

Not real good at e-mail stuff. I need to give you my work e-mail without posting it.I'll try your home one again.
Thanks,Kathy

Hi there,

well, I tryed something new. Maybe this will work. Hey we're gonna get this working some how aren't we???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

bb

honest2229@icqmail.com

blossomofblond,

I just sent e-mail under other one. There may be a block on web sight.I have a home one, but use free sever only 10 hours a month. Kids used up time until first of month. kplennert@mail.com

kathy