Well, my W and I have finally done it. I have told her everything about my As and I hope now we can start to move forward. I found out though that I will not be going home for awhile now. it is so hard to put back together everything while being apart. I asked her to come her to me and be with me while I try to get out of this country.

I do not know how or when we will be together again if she does not come here. I am so lost and depressed without her and I need her in my life, now more then ever. It seems in the past few weeks that nothing was going my way. I continually lied to her and kept the truth from her. She still has some doubtes about my As and she still asks questions, but I know this is part of the re-building phase. I am so sad and depressed over all of this and what it has done to my family. I have cried alot in the past few weeks and still feel like I do not deserve to be in the same room as her (if she was in the same room as me).

She is so close to the edge that it pains me. She wants so much to give up and run away from the mess that I created. Again I do not blame her, I have trouble seeing me in her shoes and knowing what I would do. I need help in trying to let her know how important she is to me and that I love her more then anything. She asks me if I loved her so much why did I do the things I did. When she hears the truth she would explode telling me what a jerk I have been (not in so many words) and that she hates me and wants a divorce. I keep her on the line to talk to her and let her calm down so we can talk rationally. It is tough but I do think this is all worth it in the end. I wish she did too.

Thanks to all who have been keeping up with me and I do appreciate all the replies and advice that I get. It is good to see we are not the only ones that are trying and that with the problems and solutions we see here on this site help with recovery and growth.

Small Steps Heller, that's all you can ask and expect at this point.

Read much, post often and seek support. Understand that this is the most bitter of blows. You think you are in pain? Hers is worse.

She will ask questions, that will continue for a long time, but you are wise to tell the truth, don't pull any punches and just be there for her.

In time you will work through many things, and you yourself will feel many things. You are not alone.

A WS trying for recovery is more than many of us here get, take some comfort in that.

Best Wishes Neil.

Doing the wrong things have consequences.

Exactly what are you telling your wife?

She has asked you why and how could you over and over again. What are your reasons?