I've been reading other peoples stories and I feel so awful. I'm sorry for you all, I'm crying again! I'm tired and worn out.

This my story briefly, if anyone could offer their experiences with this I'd appreciate it.

We've been together for 10 yrs., not married. it seems like it's been difficult since day one but i always felt love would conquer all.

Three months ago, I realized that something was really wrong and I came to find out she was having an affair. She denied it all and lyed abot everything.

She met this OP at the gym, it turns out he was aformer student of hers. He's 14yrs. younger, this is unbelievable to me. She had him in class when we were first dating. I can't believe it still, I think she's lost her mind?

So, I moved out because i could not stand by and have her lie to me over and over, besides she always had somewhere to go. Prior to this we spent almost all of out time together.

I have since moved to another State, living with family. They've been supportive. Two weeks ago she wanted me to come home desperately! At the time I was so angry I said I could not and asked her to give me time.

I've since read the book Surviving and Affair and have come to realize that it's not entirely her fault. I've told her I want to work this out under Dr. H's guidelines. I've asked to get the book and read it. I'm hoping it will give her some relief and hope that all is not lost.

The last message she e-mailed me was she is not in Love with me anymore. She just says she does'nt want me to be mad at her.

I've since jumped to plan B. I've asked her not to contact me until she's ready to give up her affair.

She's really told me very little and all I know is that I'm a mess!!!

I've lost so much weight, I'm on Wellbutrin, I cry a dozen times a day still and I'm always hoping that she'll call or something.

I love her so much, we've always been each others best friend. I can't believe this I am so lost without her, I'm feeling so desperate.

I don't have a job and I find it difficult to even leave the house. I'm so afraid and worried that I'm not going to get through this.

I know there is hope but every day seems like a lifetime for me.

thanks for the opportunity to speak.

MJS

MJS...please seek out some counseling. You've been hurt, you're in a lot of pain and confusion. You need some help. Anti-d meds should help, but you need more then just a "pill fix", you need some real guidance in helping you get your life back on track.

If you were employed before all this, began looking for a job, sitting at home is not going to help you right now. I know how hard it is to become motivated to began life once we shut down, but you don't become motivated and then act, what you must do is act! Then you become motivated.

There is a lot here which can help, please read!

I'd be careful about uprooting myself a second time to go back to her. It doesn't sound from her email that she is at a stage of wanting to recommit to your relationship. Began working on YOU, doing what you must do to make your life better.

Good Luck!

Thanks for your reply. I actually began looking for work today, slow process but I'll do it.

I've read the book SAA, and I understand it but I still can't believe she did this to us???

I asked her to buy the book, I'm unsure if she has or if she will. I'm just so used to being there for her, it kills me to know she's let someone else fill that need, just like that?

I really hope she'll read it and she'll realize there is hope for us to rebuild a better relationship.