How can my WW who has slept with another man be so jealose of my EX-wife?

Wife acts like me when i bring up her haveing sex with another man when married to me, she throws my ex-wife into the same catagory, like ive cheated on her?

She doesnt understand that when i married my Ex-wife i didnt know she existed. WW brings it up alot so she must not understand. I met and married my WW 3 years after i was divorced. She gets upset at me somtimes that i marrid my ex-wife and wants to know why i didnt meet her and marry her first, but i didnt even meet her until 3 years after my divorce?

Could WW actualy have had an affair because she is mad at me for not meeting her first?

Is it possible my WW can have unprotected sex with a stranger for 2 weeks and stay at his house in a strange country because because she is upset at me?

How can she not understand time?

Bog, many WS (if not the great majority) are an insecure bunch with very low self esteem. My exWW was like that and I've come to the conclusion that it is such a great indicator of a highly potential cheating spouse, that I have warned all my friends (male AND female) to watch out for this HUGE RED FLAG when they are dating or in a pre-marriage relationship. And just look at the 'quality' of the OP that the WS choses, and you'll see that instead of trading up, the vast majority, trade down big time. Would somebody with a healthy self esteem do that? I think not, in fact they would just walk away from an unfulfilling marriage before there was any OP in the picture.

Coffeeman ROCKS!

WW is insecure and if this was always an issue, explains somewhat why she did what she did...not that it makes it right in any way, shape or form!

IF...this has only come up since the affair...she's just hunting for ammo to use when you're using your ammo of her affair against her. Doesn't have to make the least bit of sense...just anything which sidetracks you from the real issue.

So which is it...has she always felt this unreasonable about your xW or is this something that has come out since she cheated?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by CoffeeMan:
<strong>And just look at the 'quality' of the OP that the WS choses, and you'll see that instead of trading up, the vast majority, trade down big time. Would somebody with a healthy self esteem do that? I think not, in fact they would just walk away from an unfulfilling marriage before there was any OP in the picture.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my mind my WW did trade down like you stated many do. I have not always been a good person, but i have always been honost and fair in my mind. Wife says she never wanted a divorce and she never thought of an affair until she met OM and didnt want a divorce even after and during her affair. She said she thought the affair would be a fantasy like encounter like the movie "unfaithful" (i know it sounds unbelievable but she says that, i havent seen the move but i did see a clip when the OM had the wife upside down flipping her around the room cartwheel style, i looked at my wife when i saw that clip and cracked a smile and asked her "you thought it was going to be like that?"). Nothing makes sence because OM is a exact copy of Peewee Herman in those kid movies, he couldnt do one push up and couldnt pull himself out of the water, water skiing and my wife has bigger muscles and could probably throw him around the room and my wife is a small woman, how could she think he could perform sexually and sweep her off her feet when the OM is so obvioulsy so non-physical and goofy looking? (i know i cant post pictures here of OM but trust me he could play the part of king of the nerds in a new "Ultimate NERDS II movie).

I do believe OM was a nice guy and fell in love with my wife, he did think my wife was a goddess and said it many times in there chatting and he had never ever been with anyone that looks like my wife (i have the chat logs). OM even cried when she left to come back and said he loved her 100's of times (OM didnt know she was married). Wife says she fell in love with the attention and the fact OM thought she was a goddess etc.

My wife was also a virgin which makes me feel even more weird, she says she was also very curious about how other men were like in bed, and after the first night she was shocked how fast and weird the sex was ( 5 min, OM screeming and convulsing and shacking like a freek, but it never stopped her from using protection or having sex every night. She said after sex he would often say "sorry" so it made things seem more normal. She would lie to him when he asked how do you like sex with me and did you have an orgasim, so she answered "yes, i like it but im really quiet (OM never touched her eroticaly or sexualy and they both always had there shirts on. I cant imagine how weird that would look/feel?, both not rubbing or going down on eachother and getting close, no massages rubbing eachother etc. especially when they had been fantasizing for 6 months online before they met? When i ask my wife she said it wasnt all about sex, "she liked him".

What does that mean? she cant explain it. I ask her every day, im feeling like a parrot asking the same question over and over. The only thing she explains is the OM never tried to understand her problems and never poked and poked to find out about her personal life or feeling even when she made it perfectly clear there was somthing that was bothering her.

JUST A WIFEY 2002:
My wife has always been jealose about my ex-wife
and my daughter. Wife never pays any attention to her step-daughter, i dont understand her, if my wife had a previous child i would love him/her and treat them like my own when they were with us. Wife is so not understanding to my daughter its almost mean. The jealosy was so bad i couldnt take it, daily comments and remarks about why dis she have to go with me to pick up my daughter, why didnt i meet her first etc. etc. etc. I understand why she asked, she felt bad and i tried my best to explain that i just met my ex-wife first and in truth married my ex-wife because she got pregnant. I did love my ex, but not like i love my wife, its not even the same, not even close. Im begining to think my wife is menally ill or just very very immature.

I do think my WW tells me things that arent the truth still or says anything that will make me stop asking her questions / or she doesnt know herself?

For me to understand and get this behind me i need to know, i cant just accept.

Bog,

Her attitude about your stepdaughter is a very bad sign. I have read your other posts and it really sounds like your wife is psychologically ill. My guess is that without treatment it will progressively get worse over time. I hope she gets into individual therapy to understand her problems.

She is jealous of you but runs away to another man and has unprotected sex with him everynight because he calls her a goddness? What is wrong with this picture? By the way I would not believe anything a WW spouse would say about sex with another man. They will almost always tell the betrayed spouse what they think he wishes to hear which means that the sex of course was very bad and unenjoyable but they continued to do it time and again anyway. It is a very typical response.

You seem like a good guy so may humble advise is to really protect yourself now and in the future because she just does not sound very rational or stable to me. i wish you luck.

I think it says A LOT about a person who can not seperate out the past like an EXW verses now. But it says even more about how she treats your daughter. I could NEVER be with someone, friends or otherwise who isn't good to my kids.

You really should look at this deeply and protect yourself.

misspriss how you know that I am no good to his child? Because he say so? Well, let me hear what is being "good to the kids" mean then

edit: I don't really feel like turning all this into Jerry Springer show. I just realized that there is no way I ever can talk or explain anything to Bog. Whatever Bog said in the past he will turn it inside out and then say that it never happpend.
All this people in here think that you are a great guy Bog and I'm just a cheating wife, well let it stay this way then.
I'm sorry that I came to this board and interrupt your little "support group", but I don't trust you with anything either.
I hope that another next 100 sugestions will help you somehow with your marriage.

<small>[ February 02, 2003, 11:51 PM: Message edited by: cheating wife ]</small>

I never realized how insane you are, when we were fighting over how you treated my daughter, i would explain to you i would never want children with you if you treat your step-daughter so pooly, NOT I would never want to have children WITH YOU, it is completely different, i never once said you are just like my Ex, not once.

I would point out maybe one time in 5 years that you are acting like my ex wife(also unbelieveable jealose 100% of the time). You never ever even appreciated when i took you to the doctors 20 times to get you preganant for YOUR problems, i 100% supported and worked with you to get pregnant. How much more could i do to help us have a baby?. You didnt even appreciate that were were OUT OF MONEY!. We have had under 10 fights in our 5 years married. You have never once complained to me that you were unhappy. You lost your wedding ring and i didnt even get mad or upset, you were crying so hard and the first thing we did is go spend every last penny we had buying you as close to the same ring we could. We went bankrupt and had to sell the house, we couldnt afford anything but I was trying and told you every day things are going to get better, what i didnt know is that you had a secret lover the whole time and were planning on leaving me for him and even asked for more money to extend your time with him. You told him after i found out about the affair that you wanted to be his wife and have children with him and name the child after him. You are insane and you lie so much it comical that you think people believe you. Im a fool.

Your right, i have thought about my Ex, since you came back, she doesnt seem so bad when i compare. How would you feel if everything was reversed?

I do thin you were a great mom when we first got married.

Wait one second, you are ashamed of your body? You are joking i hope, perhaps you would like me to post a few of your modeling pictures? Olga you have taken lingiere photos and photos with your hands coving your breasts. Those werent private photos, they are with 20 people watching and sent to 100's of talent agencys. You wear provacative clothes and have sent pictures in your underwear to people over the interent you never even met?

We have made personal home videos where you seem very happy being naked in front of me. I never ever forced you into taking off your clothes, all of them. We take showers, baths 100% nude, i never forced you or asked you. What are you saying, you have 2 personalities, i have no idea why you are saying these weird things!?

You dont even realize you took off your clothes with a complete stranger you never met with before and had sex with him and stayed 2 weeks there. You wore your bikini everywhere here in the U.S.A. and you wore it in Norway too with the OM. You are not ashamed or embarrased about your body. I have always told you you have a hot body and a beautiful face, why the heck do you even think we paid $2000 for modeling school? What planet do you live on! I took you over 100 times to have picture shoots and always told you i cant beieve you havent got picked up by an agent yet!, YOUR A ****ING LIAR!

Your also wrong, you can get pregnant any time, and get std's even though you trust sombody. When did you become such a lair and stupid person?

What you still dont understand is you hurt the only person who would have died for you and trusted you with his life. I have always treated you like a wife and friend and if we fought, i always made up for it, even when you started it and would be mean for days.

You have said that you hated my brother because he slapped you in the [censored] somtime and told me about it. I did tell him to knock it off and he said, im just playing, but you played back. If you hated it so much and didnt like him flirting with you why on new years did you and him french kiss? (she told me after Affair) Your better try to look at all the crap you have done and re-evaluate yourself.

I did break my promise not to get mad, but i cant stop myself, i love you as i always have and i cant get myself to believe you could be a common bar type of girl. I never ever saw you as a person who could sleep with stangers being married to me.

Why are you doing all this?
Where did the girl I married go?

Bog and Wife...Please start REAL counseling. This war you've got going in your lives is tearing both of you into shreds. Neither of you are willing to listen to the other. Both of you want/need to point fingers at each other. Both of you are taking past history and small items and building a whole foundation of resentments. Neither of you are willing to admit that your truth may not be THE truth...each is digging in with both feet and unwilling to reach out and admit that there is a middle ground where you can come to agreement.

Wife...Bog has EVERY right to be angry and to be hurt. While I don't agree with many of the things he has said and especially his abusive behavior, I do understand the rage and sorrow he is expressing. He needs help from some outside source to help him get past this stage.

Bog...you've got to control your anger. That's what a man must do when confronted with this rage boiling up inside of him. I know the rage, I lived it. But you can NOT allow this rage to cause you to abuse your W. You CAN NOT!

Wife...I'm sure that bog has said some of the things you wrote about, just as I am sure you said some of the things he's written about. We all say things which aren't completely true or aren't exactly how we truly feel. When we hurt, we lash out in some misguided attempt to lessen our own pain.

Bog and Wife...you each need to get help. Please do so!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cheating wife:
<strong>misspriss how you know that I am no good to his child? Because he say so? Well, let me hear what is being "good to the kids" mean then

edit: I don't really feel like turning all this into Jerry Springer show. I just realized that there is no way I ever can talk or explain anything to Bog. Whatever Bog said in the past he will turn it inside out and then say that it never happpend.
All this people in here think that you are a great guy Bog and I'm just a cheating wife, well let it stay this way then.
I'm sorry that I came to this board and interrupt your little "support group", but I don't trust you with anything either.
I hope that another next 100 sugestions will help you somehow with your marriage.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Cheating Wife, I am sorry for your pain....and even more sorry that both you and your H are at an empass.

I do however believe what I said, which was.....
".....But it says even more about how she treats your daughter. I could NEVER be with someone, friends or otherwise who isn't good to my kids."

IF I personally believed someone (friend, spouse, whatever) was not good to my children I could not trust that relationship and would have to take a deeper look into it. Which is what I suggested Bog to do.

Now either he knows you really do love his daughter and he was speaking out of hurt or he believes there to be a problem there. Either way it has to be addressed. Possibly in anger you lashed out and said hurtful things or used his daughter in your war when she had no business being in the middle of that war.

Either way, I personally firmly believe while we adults go around war, shredding each other up and wanting to be right it's the children that get hurt. And that's just where my POV (point of view) comes from.

My marriage isn't perfect either, but my kids, won't pay the price as much as I can help it, I have to reach outside myself everyday.

And I think that would be wise for you two for Bog's daughter now and for what babies you ever hope to have rather it's together or seperate. Work on fixing yourself, not beating the other one up.

Blessings~