My husband had an affair and this began in late October 2002. I had my suspicions then but didn't want to belive it. I have a 17 month old and a 4 week old child. One week after my youngests birth I gave my husband an ultimatum her or us. He reluctantly chose us. But, he did come home somewhat. He refuses to seek any help for our situation, because it didn't help in Novemeber, yet he wasn't telling the truth. When we try to talk about the issues he becomes very aggitated and usually leaves, saying we are geting nowhere and keep going over the same issues. He continues to come and go as he pleases. He sneaks around and avoids his family. He says he came home for the children, yet 99% of the time he isn't here for them. He says that too much has been said and he doesn't want to argue any more.
Am I just kidding myself that this marriage can be saved. I have been very willing and made every little effort to make things work. Heck its four months later and I am still here!

Ponce,

sorry to hear about your situation, I have a very similar one. My WH admitted to me in Oct he had several ONS and was going to leave me and our 2 kids. We talked and are trying to work it out. Things were going well up until middle of Jan when he told me we werent "connecting" and didnt know why. I then realized (der) that he has been emotionally involoved with a co-worker, talking on line, visiting. He said that it isnt physical but who knows at this stage??? My H sounds exactly the same as yours, he is working everynight until 8 (which I know to be true), then tells me that he is going "shopping" after. He tells me that he tells OW that he will not leave his family, and wants to put his kids to bed at night, but he is gone at least 3 nights a week. He is talking ragtime. It makes me so MAD that he would rather be "shopping" than see his boys who love him dearly and do miss him. I have brought up the OW a couple of times and he tells me he doesnt want to discuss this any further and blames me for EA. I am very frustrated after almost 4 months, it seems like it should be getting better, but I think until OW is out of the picture, I am going to let god take it. Everyday seems to get a little bit easier-even though you have "those days". I hope you can work it out, I am starting counseling in 2 weeks, my H will not go, I hope he will someday?? If you need to vent, this is definetly the place to do it. I wish you luck, try to stay sane, it is soooo hard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

If your spouse won't go to counseling...then you go alone! You need some support, too! Search it out...for YOURSELF.

Yes, even a marriage torn apart can be saved. Will your's be? I can't say, I can only say that it can be saved. Is your marriage worth saving? Is your marriage worth fighting for?

Start by reading as much as you can on site, there is a lot of valuable and insightful information here. Use what is of benefit to your situation and leave the rest on a back burner if needed.

Good Luck!

Ponce,
I agree with Wifey. You need to go to counseling to keep you strong for your children right now. Do you have any family around or any help at home with the baby? Please take care of yourself-this is such an emotional and critical time with just having a new baby.
My H has never enjoyed the family thing(we have 4 young children) and always worked til 9:00 and then shut himself up in his office. I went to personal counseling this past summer after I began an EA(H would not go). After a few sessions I came home and said I realized our marriage was over. Immediately my H began to attend. Since then we have seperated(still in C), he's had a PA, but we're still trying our best to get through this. My H says he now wants to give it his all and I want to try also(although I'll admit, I'm a little gunshy).
The important thing to remember is that you cannot make H do what you want but at least you can live with YOURSELF knowing you've done all that YOU can do. Good luck and get some rest.