Hard to put into words things that have been going on for years... First off we have been married this mo. 23 years. 1st affair H had back in 94 but was not sure and kept to myself and did not confront him. Thru all of that I myself as a Christian person fell into an emotional affair that ended after 2 mo. Only to find out a few months later my H lost his job (95)because of his A. OW worked at the same place but he was in management and was let go. Nothing was ever said-just continued life as if nothing happened. Moved across country for a job and then back again only to find him seeing another woman (99). Spring of 2001 confronted him of trip he went on w/OW and at that time he wanted D. Moved out w/his parents.OW lived out of state. Ended up very depressed and wanted to reconcile so by aug. he came back home. Heavily medicated for depression-lost job that fall. By May of 02 was online w/pages and pages of personals - was ready to move out but he said was just goofing around. Now it's down to the end of 02 and has been off work and seeing a so-called "old friend" ... but e-mails OW of a year ago and sees "old friend", IM's galore, phone calls, whenever. I moved out Thanksgiving day - and just not sure what direction to take. there is no trust left... I feel totally betrayed forever...
what to do????

<small>[ February 05, 2003, 09:03 PM: Message edited by: skyblue3112 ]</small>

So sorry Skyblue...You've really been through the wringer. I'm not for sure what type of advice you're looking for. What do YOU want in your life...today and tomorrow? Do you want to rebuild your marriage...into one you can feel safe? Is your H even open to this? Have you reached the point where this was a "dealbreaker" and you're ready to move on in your life without him?

Depending on what you want...would impact what I'd want to say.

Regardless of what you believe today, this site is great, read what is here and take from it what will benefit your life. Plan A is usually used by the BS in an effort to improve themselves while trying to create a safe environment for the WS, but it's a great plan just to use to focus on yourself and bring healing and peace into your life...even if your choice is to take your healing path alone.

If you'd like to explore the ideas and helpful topics of rebuilding a marriage after a betrayal...this is the place to be. It's got a lot of helpful information and some options you may not have seen.

The support boards for whatever path you are choosing will have all types of posters here to support your right to choose where you want your life to go. They will help you validate your feelings, they will offer their experiences and advice as they see things...take the advice as well meaning and from the heart, but do not take it to heart if it goes against what you feel.

Again...welcome! And good luck wherever your healing path leads you!

Skyblue - you've come to the right place.

The first thing I would do is read "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley as well "After the Affair" by Janis A. Spring - two awesome books that helped me. In fact I read the latter book prior to finding MB. If counselling is at all possible I would recommend that as well.

This site can give you insight and ideas for sure..open up here and the good folks here will give you many many shoulders to lean and cry on.

Thanks JAW & Alberta:
Guess I'm just going to take my time - evidently there's no rush...yes, i feel this has been the biggy "dealbreaker" as you call it. I just can't imagine after doing Plan A several times that it just won't turn out the same a year or two from now as it has for the past 7 years...
I've always been more / less told what to do and now i'm finding myself trying to make my own decisions... that's the hard part. I want to do what's right but clueless as to what that "really" is. Yes, i am seeking counseling which will help the process. Verbalize tho'ts -etc. Thanks again for the input