How to say this.. this is the hardest thing I ever gone through.
2 months ago my wife confessed to me about a EA with her store manager, and claimed to have sex with him once, I believe her. The OM tried to become my friend and him and his girlfriend came over my house, hing out together. Once everything was exposed to me, my wife told me she wants to work it out. We are in marriage consoling and everything was going good until yesterday. I don't know if this has ever happened to anyone, you see it in the movies all the time, but yesterday day I came home from work 1-1/2 hour early, in through the front door only to find my wife adn the OM's girlfriend basically in bed with each other. My wife made a made dash to the bathroom and the OM's girlfriend was toppless in my bedroom, getting dressed. Basically I flipped out, left and came back 2 hours later. My wife still there we talked for hours and she told me she has strong feelings for this girl, but not the OM, and is confused and think she is either bi sexual or a lesbian. In addition, she tol dme that she had been with the OM and his gilrfriend on other time. So i guess she must have enjoyed the girl more, I don't knowe and I am right now at work going nuts, my wife told me she might be leaveing to live with the OM and the girl. I don't know what to do I am so lost I feel like running away from all of this or just plain dying.

On top of everything my wife told me last week she just became aware she might be pregnant.

Frankdd,
I'm in shock for you. How horrible you must feel right now. She may be pregnant?! Do you have any other kids? Do you have a pastor or someone you can call to begin processing this? That is a necessity. My prayers are with you. God sees this too. I'm sad for you, and it sounds like your wife may need some kind of psychiatric help. This isn't your fault. Don't let the pain cloud all of your judgement - if I were you, I'd need to be separate for a while to process all this. WHat are you going to do? Kathy

I don't have any other kids, just a house. It sounds like it is more or less over, because you can't fixed this if someone is potentially a lesbian

Frankdd,


"you can't fixed this if someone is potentially a lesbian"

I know what you're saying, but being a Christian, and having had many 'gay' co-workers and friends, I do not believe that homosexuality is 'real' in the sense that having diabetes or something else is real..it is not a natural occurance in the human scope of things..it is 'unnatural' and a choice..it can be 'unchosen' where as diabetes can't. To put it short, I believe homosexuality is just a lust of the flesh..like any other sexual sin outside of marriage..and can be healed. There are resources like Exodus which is a CHristian site for former homosexuals. I don't know if that helps at all, but I am hurting for you. Do you have a friend you can process this with? Kathy

frank,

Bi-sexual and lesbian, are not the same.

Last summer my W brought up a conversation about sexual orientation, and I remember thinking, (dont tell me your a lesbian), she's not, but she may have some bi issue's she is dealing with, but we have not had any more talk's in this area as of yet.

Start reading and learning,I do hope you the best.

Drednosilence

i realize that it is not the same, I was in a relationship from the age of 18 to 29 when my last girl freind came out of the closet. Now I am married to another women who is potentially bi-sexual. Its the whole secret life that is the emotional drain. And the thing is, I showed havve know, because my wife talked a bit about a three some up until recently. And I remember 2 months ago when the OM and the girlfriend where at our house and I was not paying attention to the conversation everyone was having, but I thought I heard them talk about swapping or a three some and I turned abour and ssai, " what was that?" and they said oh nothing, never mind.

((((frank))))
It's bad enough to find out that your spouse had an affair, but to then walk in on her with someone else must be horribly traumatic.

About her sexuality, are you 2 able to talk openly about it? If so, do you know how long she has felt this way? It may be curiousity and sexual experimentation. Personally I think that your sexuality is not a choice, and I don't think that because she enjoyed a sexual experience with a woman that she is homosexual. Obviously this cannot continue. If you feel that you would like to try to repair the marraige, counseling should continue. She may also need to be in IC to help her deal with this issue.

Regardless of what happens, take care of yourself. Don't make any major decisions until you have time to process this.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I have read your previous posts and now this.
Your wife for a long time has lied and cheated on you and humiliated you by trying to get you to be friends with the OM while she slept with him. It sounded like she was giving you a pack of lies previously about how many times she slept with him and now this.
Your wife is now having sex with this woman and she decides to have sex in your home and in your bed showing total disrespect for you and your relationship.
If she is pregnant please do not sign any papers until the child is tested. The chances are it may be the OM's child. Please contact a lawyer immediately to understand your rights and obligations. From reading your previous posts it really did seem like she was playing you. Please protect yourself. You deserve so much more than this. I wish you luck.

I'll never understang how people ac the way that they do. Where is their moral values in life. Don't they realize the hurt they cause? How do you deal with a wife how was cheating on you first with a guy and then with the other guy's women and possible pregant with who know's who's ? Its so warp minded!

And the thing is that the first time I found out I told her to leave and then I started to snoop around the house, and found a few se toys, and picutres of the OM under our bed. I mean what do you make of this?

frank,

You said you are both seeing an MC, how about IC?

I do know about the emotional termoil you were refering to, that is why I started counseling, and my IC detimined right away our problem's were not going to be resolved with MC. I was told my W should see someone and it could not be my IC.

My W did go to see an IC and that is when I learned about my W's childhood abuse. It does sound like your W has issue's that need to be worked through.

Me and my W have just scratched the surface on our journey, there is a long way to go.

I assume IC refers to Independent Consoling?

I think things might be beyond that point right now. If my W wants to move out and live with the other girl, then therer is not too much I can do.
I have a feeling that my W and the other girl will be looking into a place all their own. I heard this morning throught the grape vine that the OM told his girlfriend to leave. I am glad he is having a hard time.

Frank- Get control of your life back. See a Dr. for meds an IC for perspective and a valid and reliable friend. I was there dealing with 2 D Days.All the aforementiioned helped.

Broken Arrow

Frank: my definition of IC is individual coucelor.

Broken Arrow.

PS. You are the most important person in this mess.Take care of youself. Been there.

What a day.
Now I got a call from the girl that is with my wife. She mentined that the both of them have been seeing each other for 2 months and that they both have feelings for one another. All so that I have to learn to let go. I called my wife later and she said that she is moving out this weekend to live with this girl and that she is pregant, except with the other guys baby. Boy what a mess, I can't believe everything that is going on.

I don't know how to help - but is sounds like your wife has many more issues she's struggling with, and the least of them is her sexual orientation. She is truly messed up right now and understand that this has nothing to do with who you are and is not a result of anything you did.
Take care of yourself first!!

Frankdd,

I am so sorry to hear your story. It seems that is just keeps getting worse as time goes by. I have no advice as to what to do to fix it. I dont think it can be fixed. Your W's selfish actions has created a rift that will take an extreamly strong man to cross. I personally dont think she wants to fix it. My advice... legal counsel and let it go. Let her deal with the repercussions of what she has done to HERSELF and dont let her drag yo down in to this world of hurt with her.

I would be wary if she decided to come back to you. She was caught once and then shortly after caught again.

She is a "cake woman". She wants to eat her cake and have it too. You are so much better than that. Take care of you and the rest will come to you.

Madnav

My heart goes out to you. I cannot fathom the pain you must be dealing with. If she is having problems with her sexual orientation that's one thing, acting out is another. I would not, repeat would not have sex with her until she goes to counseling, gets checked by a doc for std's. You cannot trust anything she says, repeat cannot. You have to navigate independently in this and refuse to allow her to manipulate your feelings. Take care of yourself and your kids and put her on the back burner. She will sink or swim on her own. Loving her makees this worse.

I am truly sorry this has happened to you. It hurts horribly bad to know that your WW had an affair. Three times as bad to walk in on them.

You got some great advice here. I would suggest enforcing an order to establish paternity as soon as the child is born. Even though she says that it's not your child, it actually may be your child. If it is, you don't want to be denied the right to be involved in your childs life. If it's not, well then that keeps you off the hook for child support.

Also, most courts will not grant a divorce until after the child is born. I would check into this.

The good thing is you know. There is no guessing, no suspicions, you know. Now you need to take you life back and forget her. Get a good counselor and work on you. God bless you.