Can anyone relate to my feelings about my kids??? I am a BS and my H has been involved in an EA for about a year. He did not realize this until 3 weeks ago when I suggested that he is more that friends with her. We had been having problems for 4 years and in Oct he told me he wanted to leave. I told him I loved him and wanted to work on it. He agreed. Things seemed to be going ok until Jan, he was down one day and asked him what was wrong, he told me we werent "connecting" and he thought we would by now.I then I noticed a lot of time being spent on line with coworker. I then mentioned EA to him and he seemed surprised and admitted maybe something else was going on. Der. A few days after that he had a meeting at work and was told basically to "work harder" (no more talking, account for time=maybe someone noticed something??? Now, since he cannot talk to her at work, he now finds time about 3 or 4 hours a week to "visit". He has been upfront with this up until last week, it is now excuses. I almost feel as if I pushed him into it?? weird. LONG STORY-sorry, my question is, he wants to be home for "kids" but between work and "visits" is hardly here, I know this does happen but I really am dumbfounded about his thought process. Doesnt he see what the kids are going through??? Or anyone for that matter??? They did not see him yesterday at all, when he got up this morning to go work at 6:30 my kids apparently were banging on the window and waving to him as he left (I was still in bed) he called them before we left to go to school to say HI, guilt, guilt, guilt??? It is not 5:30, he left work at 3:30, know where he is, could he give a s***t about the kids feelings, this blows my mind!!!! I guess the WS do have scrambled brains. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Hi,

Yes I can relate. My son was 5 at d/d. In less than 6 months he wanted to replace his dad with one who would act like a real dad. He even composed a letter to his father. 4 short but powerful sentences. He was 6 at the time but those 4 sentences impacted the WS more than all my talking.....

How old are your children?

L.

My oldest is 9 and my little one just turned 6. My 9 year old definetley knows something, how much I dont know. My 6 year old has been telling my H he loves him and wants all his attention when he is here. It is sad. Did your H come out of his fog when he read your little one's letter. How are you doing now?

Few WS can really see the effects their actions are having on their children until they end the affair or separate from the spouse then it's like "WOW, there really are other people which are getting hurt!" They have no idea because they don't want to have any idea. They have to believe the lie to live the lie. They are lying to themselves. They really will not "see" what is so very painful apparent to the other spouse that the children are suffering. They don't even truly see the extent of the spouse's suffering as long as they continue on the path of having two lives. jmho

Wifey - said it all !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I will add that they will blame BS for the kids pain because they say BS show there feeling of whats going on in front of kids , so its there fault. They are in fog so they don't see or want to see there actions . My WS even spoke to OW in front of kids and said that did not impact on then <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> So they don't care if they do it to u I think they can be so blind to do it to kids .

THEY will get bit in the a$$ when those kids grow up all kids rember who is there for them. BE STRONG