Well, I just found out. My wife is in Germany, and I learned that she is having a PA with a co-worker of hers.

Do I confront her about this or not?

So sorry! Awfully hard to work on a marriage when faced with a year apart. Personally, I'd let her know what I know. No sense in even attempting a rebuilding if at least one of you isn't honest. jmho

Hi Awake,

If you are sure, I'd definitely confront her... and I'd inform her chain of command if this OM is also in the military!!! (This will do wonders in shattering the little fantasy world that they are sharing... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> )

If you're worried about her "running to the OM"... she's already done that... what else do you have to lose?

It is possible to recover after an A... but like Just a Wifey said alluded to... it's going to take committment from BOTH of you if it's going to work...

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Thank you all for your advice. I am absolutely positive as her BF sent her a graphic email where he espoused her love her and how he can't wait to perform oral sex on her again. She's in Germany right now on a military leave, but she's due back on 02-21-03.

So, I sent her a loving email saying that I know, and I sent her lover a kind email advising him that I am aware of their relationship, and asked him to call me at his convenience.

This really doesn't change anything for me. My obligation to God hasn't changed. This happened because I failed to love her for several years, and that brought her to this. It certainly doesn't absolve her of her wrongdoing and I know that. Still, infidelity is not a death knell to a marriage.

In time, God heal everything. God is time. God is good.

Let's pray for my wife to find God again, and know what is right.

God bless you all!

interesting thing about confrontation. The person has already prepared for the possibility of confrontation in their minds and have worked out several scenarios. Most will be denial and lies.
They know you well enough to know what the possible reaction will be and that you will not kick them to the curb. You can't win in other words. But I wish you well.

You know, she spent a lot effort keeping it a secret. She claims to be Christian, and her parents are ministers.

How is she going to explain it?

The secret explains way too much about how she's been acting. She kept trying to make the whole thing my fault. I know I made plenty mistakes, and am copping out mine. But adultery? That was her decision. This affair won't stand the light of day.

The OM is a playboy, who routinely runs off at the mouth about all the girls he has sex with, and you can bet she doesn't know about that, either! She's debasing herself, and avoiding confessing it -- because she knows it's wrong.

That's why she covered it up. Now that I know, she's in no position to be making any demands, and mediation hasn't even started. We can't have a good negotiation without the truth.

I see this as a very good thing. She's forced to come clean, and she can't justify it, and stil pretend to be the good, minister's daughter. She might have been able to sell the divorce claiming she was neglected, but she had been denying any possibility of an affair. Now she's caught in a lie.

That leaves only one right thing to do.

It may even force her to take the right steps. I have no doubts she's addicted to this [censored], but once everyone knows she's addicted, how can it continue? The cat's out of the bag!

The light will be shining bright, and the darkness will be repelled!

Well, she emailed be back. Of course, she was upset that I read her email and it was undoubtedly an LB. I can live with it for now. She said she would see me when she gets back from Germany. I can't wait!

She didn't deny the relationship. I told her I understood why she did it, but it is still adultery -- particularly when she is still NOT divorced spiritually or legally. I asked her to explain how she justified her actions if she liked. It should be interesting...

It's not about privacy. Steve Harley acknowledges there is no privacy -- no secrecy -- in a marriage. Even one that is on the rocks.

Too bad is CA is a no fault state.

Still, since my obligation hasn't changed -- it's all on her, and on her heart and soul.

Thanks and God Bless!

Crushinblo:

By the by, it's never about winning. It's not a race.

With God anything is possible. How else could my reaction to this be so filled with joy and peace? That is God's strength, not mine.

I know what He wants me to do. THAT's the major change in my life.

My W has to acknowldge her sin on her own, and now she can't avoid it.