DH broke it off with her, kind of, and wants to try with me again. I'm real skeptical about this. He spent the entire day with her yesterday and then comes home to me and tells me that he told her that he wanted to try with me again. Why did it take all day to do this and why did they have to go to the drag races after he told her he wanted to break it off? Seems very odd to me. He just says that she refused to believe it and that he was going there anyway and she wanted to come so they could talk more. She refuses to let him go. She agreed not to call or see him for 60 days but says that DH and I have too many big issues to work out and she believes he will be back. He didn't realize how deep her feelings were for him. I know she will contact him because I know how I felt when I didn't see him.

What do you make of this? I was just at the point of accepting our divorce. Actually, I was going to tell him yesterday but he was gone with her already. I've been hurt and lied to so much, how do I get past all of this? I want to try but I'm afraid my insecurities will not let me try as hard as I need to. Plus I feel like it's a competition for him with her still in the picture. I will not compromise my integrity over him. I love him very much but I was at the point of accepting that he was not my husband anymore. I just don't want to get hurt any more than I am, if that is possible.

Pray for me.

Shade

I'm really sorry this is happening to you. There is nothing more painful than learning that your spouse is unfaithful. Infidelity doesn't necessarily mean your marriage is over.

First of all, please read all the material you can on this site. It will address a number of your concerns about surviving infidelity, and a plan can be developed for how to tackle this issue, if you're committed to trying to make your marriage work.

The first option is a short Plan A. You should complete the Emotional Needs Questionnaire with your H. Once both of you know which EN's are important to each other, you need to fill your H's love bank with as many EN's as you can. Plan A is taxing for you, as you end up setting aside some of your EN's when fulfilling his. Don't do this more than a few weeks or months.

Since you know about OW, you should help H draft a letter that insists on absolutely NO CONTACT between them, period. If he won't agree to this, he still wants to be with her. If H feels this way, he's not committing to any rebuilding.

If Plan A doesn't improve things quickly, your H may want to separate -- so he can spend more time with OW. At that point, initiate Plan B -- which is no contact with your H.

If you're convinced you want to try, this is the way to start. If you don't want to try, it's your call completely.

You'll need to come to some committed decision either way. Good luck to you.

Take care and God Bless!