Two weeks ago I found out my wife of 7 years has been sleeping with her personal trainer (2 months now). We have decided to get some help, our first meeting is next week. But she refuses to stop seeing her trainer. The reason for this is she is in training for a Bodybuilding show and is 10 weeks out. She says she will only see him at the gym 3 to 4 time a week for 2 to 3 hours and will not put her self in the position where something could happen again. I let her know that I don't want her to train with him and I'm not happy about it but their is nothing I can do to make her stop. She says she has worked to hard for this show to give up now. I suggested finding someone else but the answer is still NO. They started sleeping together after only a few weeks of training. I missed all the signs now that I look back at it. But that was because I trusted her too much I never have had a reason not to our marriage has been great up tell now, we never saw this comming. She says she loves me still but is confused. I know she also has feeling for this man from a note I found. When I kiss her she pulls away when I hug her I get nothing back. Ans when I touch her she shows no emotion. She shows no love for me and that hurts. I'm scared of losing her she is not only the love of my life she is my best friend and I have told her I will not give up with out a fight, I will do anything to make our marriage work.

Does anyone have any idea what I should do?

Lost, Hurt and confused,
Sixchut

<small>[ February 09, 2003, 11:57 PM: Message edited by: sixchut ]</small>

So sorry! I honestly have no idea what you should do. Your position is not an easy one, as your W is not willing to go into NC. Can you withstand the 10 weeks until this is over? Anyway you can go to the gym with your W? And if you can...will you control your emotions while there?

While I do understand the amount of effort and hard work she's put into this area of her life with bodybuilding...I can't agree with her desire to continue with this trainer. Isn't there someone else who is qualified to train her?

She may still be very much into what those here call the "fog", a state of confusion where she is incapable of making good choices for herself or those who love her.

I'd be very doubtful that she'll live up to her statement of avoiding putting herself in the position of continuing the affair if she continues training with this man....as by continuing training...she IS putting herself in that positon. jmho

Good Luck!

Sixchut please read the following:

"When your spouse is trying to decide between you and the lover, it's time for Plan B."
...Willard F. Harley Jr. PhD.

I hope this helps you.

Go to Plan B. Kick her out. What's more important? Your marriage or bodybuilding? Hire a female personal trainer and have her come to your house.

WS's are so manipulative. She doesn't deserve any LU's in the first place. If she won't POJA with you about your "us" -- kick her out and tell not to come back until she grows up.

I agree with Coffeeman:
It is time for Plan B. It is ridiculous for her to tell you that he is the only bodybuilder she can work with for the next 10 weeks while she has been sleeping with him. Clearly her bodybuilder is a more important priority than your marriage.
She is still humiliating and disrespecting you.
"No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change." I doubt that anybody would accept her lame excuse that he is the only bodybuilder that can work with her. He probably is the only bodybuilder that she enjoys having sex with. You would be foolish to accept and enable this behavior. She is still playing you and it seems you still miss the signs.

<small>[ February 11, 2003, 07:48 AM: Message edited by: sixchut ]</small>

Thanks for your replys. It looks like I need to put plan B into action. Man this sucks. This will be so hard to do. Its hard enough now dealing with whats going on but not to see her is going to make it even harder for me. I need to sit down and talk with her because I know she is just as confused as I am. She told me the other day she has feeling of wanting to hug me and kiss me but she doesn't because she doesn't want to make me think that everything is better when there is still a problem.

I've been getting up working out with her at the gym in our town but she trains with him at a gym 25 minutes away near where she works so I don't work out at that gym. Can I wait 10 weeks for her show to be over, I think I can but it will be hard. I'm looking at finding her someone else to train with. She knows she has to stop training with him to work on our marriage.

I have a lot of thinking to do.

Sixchut

<small>[ February 11, 2003, 08:01 AM: Message edited by: sixchut ]</small>