<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
This is a follow up to my original post called "Husband and Best Friend"
My H and I took the Emotional Needs quiz. (He did it very willingly I might add)
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
My Ranking is:
1)Honesty and Openness
2)Admiration
3)Sexual Fulfillment
4)Affection
5)Conversation

His is:
1)Admiration
2)Affection
3)Sexual Fulfillment
4)Conversation
5)Honesty and Openness

Throughout the quiz we were just about on the same page so to speak. But get this, on sex, I put 4 to 5 times a week and he put 3 times a week! LOL LOL LOL
He was just as shocked at my answer as I was at his.
I explained to him that I cherish our intimacy but when he does things that hurt me I draw away and put up a wall. The more importance he puts on me the more I WANT to be intimate with him.
The only thing that he noted that would make things better for him is for me to listen to him more when he needs to vent about work??????
I am the type of person who has a lot of faith. So, when my H worried over his job or whatever, I would say it will be fine. I trust you completely.
Things will turn out as God has planned.
He interpreted that as me saying "I don't care."
After we discussed the quiz and our answers we talked for hours about our needs, hurts and future. A lot of issues were overcome and I feel emotionally drained.
I do however feel very honored by him for taking the quiz. I felt as though it was a step in the right direction for our marriage.
If I haven't put enough info in my post for help on this, let me know and I will add more.

All the best,

DLynn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LOL What was the question??? It sounds as if the two of you did GREAT! Both of your answers were more or less in line with each other, fairly easy to meet those which are not quite up to par and you discussed the ways in which to met them!

Hey, nothing to interpret!

Now you both know the targets, just aim for them!

Assuming he's sincere, you're WAY ahead of the game. How 'bout introducing him to this site. There's even other guys here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

WAT

Hi worthatry and just a wifey,

I am very pleased with the outcome of the quiz and for the fact that it opened up a tremendous amount of discussion. I do feel like my H was sincere and honest but wanted the opinions of others here. I know you guys don't know him but in truth maybe I don't either.
THE BIG QUESTION..........
Does a man put his sexual needs 3rd when ranking his EN's?????????
Or do you think that was just for my benefit??
Sorry folks, but I am still confused.
At this point I wonder when I'll feel like "ME" again.

All the best to all of you,

DLynn

Worthatry,

I will introduce him to this site but not quite yet.
As selfish as this is, I want to keep this site as just mine for a little while.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> DLynn

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by DLynn:
<strong>Does a man put his sexual needs 3rd when ranking his EN's?????????</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As a man, last time I checked, after looking through your top five SF would be #5 on my list. I think it's awesome what you two were able to do.

Hugs, Thoughts, & Prayers

DLynn - so you want to stereotype all guys as sex starved, huh? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Actually, SF was #3 on my list as well - behind honesty and reassurance (my substitute for affection).

Please remember that our needs are not static and supply and demand plays a big role in shifting the "rankings." So, ya gotta keep talking and sharing.

Also, don't limit your selections to just those proposed in the MB literature. As I noted above, one of mine is reassurance. This is not on the MB list, but my "need" for this is what I feel is really behind "affection." I believe Harley came up with the "list" based on non-scientific research (anecdotal) inputs he got from the various folks he dealt with over a long period of time. In other words, it's not cast in stone and what's more important is what you feel and neeed as an individual.

WAT

Dlynn,

Had to chuckle a bit at your post…and agree with LostHusband, and add my comments (also as a man).

Sexual fulfillment isn’t the number one thing on every mans mind…although many people do think that. Your H put Admiration and Affection above Sexual fulfillment, to me that says he want to be loved, loved by you!!!!

As you know, there are many ways to show your Admiration and Affection to him…make it a part of your day. Take the time to hug him and let him know you care!!!!

Good luck!!!

WSD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Wife stll denying...:
<strong>Take the time to hug him and let him know you care!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And then have sex with him!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

But on a serious note for just a moment, I'm the type of guy that believe the best most fulfilling sex starts in the morning and ends in the evening. Heck it may even start the day before. It starts with the affection from the time you wake up. The little note on the mirror. The phone call at lunch time. All the little things when you get home. Then it all culminates into a satisfying engagement in the evening.......

Wham Bam Thank you Ma'am, has never been anything other than a primative release for me. I think many woman would be suprised to find out that us men want to be made love too and not just have SEX....

Bill

Hello Bill, (losthusband)

I really appreciate your insight on my post. That is EXACTLY what I need.
I can see my part in this more and more. Not that I am excusing his behavior in any way but I REALLY do need to show him and tell him everyday how much I love and appreciate him. Through all the bad and good I love my H with all of my heart. His actions wouldn't have devastated me so if he were not the biggest and best part of my heart. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I know he is very sorry for what he did and by him validating my feelings has worked wonders to help me feel honored by him.
Thanks again and read on to my next reply for more details of how well my day went!

With very best regards,

DLynn

Good afternoon worthatry!
Thanks once again for the tremendous help you've been.
NO NO NO, LOL I am not stereotyping the males of the world but I couldn't help but think that sex for my H would be a BIG #1!!!
Now, on to better things.
I took my wedding rings off when D-Day happened. I couldn't stand to wear them. It was as though they burned my fingers!
When my H came home today he took me to the jewelers and told me to pick out what I wanted!!!!
I was in disbelief! But VERY VERY excited too.
I didn't break the bank but picked out a beautiful set and added a few "customs" to it.
After I picked it out and it was a done deal my H looked at me and said "I will never dishonor you again" "your new wedding ring will never have to come off your finger again."
I will NEVER be able to express to him how deeply and profoundly that touched my heart. I have my lifetime to try though!
I know it sounds all mushy but I LIKE MUSHY! LOL
Today is a good day!

With very best regards,

DLynn

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Hello wife still denying,

I wanted to take a moment and say THANK YOU for taking the time to read my post and reply.
I so need the insight of men on this subject. (other than my H).
Today was a very good and loving day. I know there will be many hurdles ahead but for the 1st time in weeks I don't feel like I'll jump them alone.
I will, from this day forward make a conscious CHOICE to let my H know that he is loved, respected and that I hold him in the highest regard. ( I always have but maybe just didn't let him know enough )
For all who read this, I thank God that I found this forum. And I thank Him for the goodness in all of you!

All the very best to you,

DLynn

<small>[ February 12, 2003, 02:32 PM: Message edited by: DLynn ]</small>

When we first fill out these types of questionaires it's a pretty good indicator of what may be lacking right now. As what is lacking (or has been seen as lacking) will be higher on the list. We actually want ALL of these needs met, but the way we might list them will change as to what is being needed at this time. ie...if sex is going ok, it's not going to be as high on the list. If there is a problem in SF then it's listing is going to move up the list.

When we're getting a need met, it's "importance" moves down, not out...but only because we see a more immediate need in another area.

One reason why this questionaire should be filled out on a regular basis to make sure that both partners are aware of those areas which need to be addressed "today", which may change from "yesterday".

Blazing saddles, "Badges we dont need no stinking Badges" replace badges with sex. That is my motto because i aint getting any anytime soon.

Toyman

Hi just a wifey,

I have to admit I didn't think ahead.
Your help to me has been HUGE!
I will print the EN's quiz and suggest to my H that we take it again when we feel it's needed.
I hope all is well with you.

You are a peach!

DLynn

Hello toyman,

OK, you have managed to crack me up!!!!!!!!!!!
I laughed so hard when I read your reply to my post.
THANK YOU!
It feels good to laugh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

All the best to you,

DLynn

DLynn - congrats, the ring story is a charmer. Now, introduce your "new" H to this site and allow him to reap the benefits. This will allow him to relate his experience with that of other former WSs and find some comfort in not being alone. I believe this will be important to both of you. You'll discover that you're both very normal.

WAT