</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by intowriting:
<strong>Staying Strong just told everyone my story. H says it is over. NC. He swears. I guess I'll just have to believe. He has been very communicative and sweet. But I still feel a distance. How do i know for sure? Will EVER know for sure?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, you don't take his word for it. When the A is over there are certain conditions that need to be met. They are :
Honesty/accountability You should know where each other is 24/7 and be able to verify that information. You should have access to all email and phone accounts, and should know where and how all money is being spent.
Most marriages don't end due to infidelity. They end because the conditions that led to the affair in the first place are not addressed. One of those conditions is the ability of one person to have a "secret second life" parts of his/her lifew that the other knows nothing about and has no say in.
Protection This is the elimination of things that hurt each other. They fall into the categories of Demands, Disrespect, Anger, Dishonesty, Annoying Behavior, and Independent Lifestyle. If your marriage is to recover you both need a plan to get rid of those things.
Care Learing to become experts at meeting each other's most important emotional needs.
Time This so often gets overlooked. Unless you and your husband are spending a mininum of 15 hours each week giving each other your undivided attention and meeting the needs of Conversation, Affection, Sexual Fulfillment, and Recreational Companionship, your marriage WILL NOT recover.
Trust comes at the end of the process. It generally takes about 2 years to get there. When those things that I've mentioned above are done, you will find that eventuall trust is restored.
Have you read Harley's Surviving An Affair?? If not, get off the forum now, click the bookstore link above, and read it. No advice that you get here will come close to the info that's in that book, or to helping you save your marriage.
Good luck!
C
