I knew I'd get someone's attention!!! But there is a point. When I was pregnant with my first child,(11 yrs ago) my best friend started talking to me about breastfeeding. I was so turned off by it (boy how I've changed) and was resistant. I learned alot about it and when I discussed it to her again, she gave me the best advice... she said well you can always choose to stop if you really don't like it, but if you decide not to start and then you want to, you wont have any milk left to start with. I thought that was logical and I did nurse her for about a year and became a real advocate for nursing.<P>So I asked her a few weeks ago, is this the same thing as the breastfeeding thing? My situation now (where I can't decide if I can try with him)is sort of the same. I think I could try and if it didn't work, then I could divorce him with the knowledge that I tried. But if I divorce him now (which is the way I am leaning) and then decide I want to try the marriage again, it would be too late. No more milk. (sorry I couldn't help myself).<P>The only way I feel like trying is with the option to divorce, but my consoulor (SP?) said if we were to try, I would have to vow that divorce was not an option. That scares me, I know I don't have to take his advice, but he seems to know what it takes. He says the new vows puts us on the same playing field. I don't understand alot of it, but anyway, what do you all think?<P>Thanks

I think that you can never give anything a really good shot if you've got one eye on the door to get out.<P>Your counsellor is right. The only way to MAKE it work is to feel like you HAVE to. <P>You can do this. I'd listen to the therapist.<P>Good luck.<P>Lori

crushed,<BR>I understand what your counselor is trying to say (ditto the door thing), but I also see your point. The answer is YES!!, it's like breastfeeding!!! You'll never know unless you try, and the only way to really try is to give it your best shot. <P>One reason I gave my (betrayer) H a second chance is that I did not want to spend the rest of my life wondering how it might have turned out if I had kept him (plus it was important to me to give my children another chance to be with their father; fathers are --statistically--very important).<P>NOw, regarding your "promise" to not divorce that your counselor is talking about, my way around that was to give my marriage a "probation period" in which I expected both my H and myself to give it our best try; and I think that needs to be a fairly long period, like at least one year. It is too easy to have a bad day and call it quits!! Everything I've read says two years to "completely" recover from an affair.<P>It's been over 1 year and we now have NO intention of ever divorcing. We are both totally commited and in-love, renewed our vows, the whole bit. I'd say we're about 90% 'recovered'. I wish you the same and more <BR>Best wishes!<BR>Jenny, another nursing mom <BR>------------<BR>"Love is more than a feeling, love is a decision, a commitment to care forever."

crushed,<P>I have to agree w/ Lori. If you think that divorce is an option (the easy way out IMO) then you can't really focus on your marriage.<P>Even tho my divorce is in full swing, I STILL have hope that it won't go through. To me, divorce is NOT AN OPTION, even though it is to my H.<P>Good luck on your decision.<P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl