Hello , it's been exactly 4 months after I found out my H was having an affair , what really shock me the most ,was that I was 7 months
pregnant ,that really hurt my feelings , well I had been thru hell ,dealing with this issue , I love my husband and I gave him another chance to work our relationship ,he is doing everything to make up for what he did to me , I love my husband dearly but (always a but ) I just CAN'T erase those emails , imaging things that happen between them , in a way I kind of grow some resentment <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> .. I having flash back of everything ..I dont know what to do her , is it a normal reaction?/ or i just cant get over it . please i need opinions
thanks

Erika,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, I to am about 4 months into dealing with my WH EA. It is very hard. I have also found that it is very early, this could be slow going. Have you thought about seeing a counselor? I have my first appt this week, people are telling me it may help to get a professional opinion. I dont know if this would be an option for you but you may want to look into it. Without a doubt this is the hardest time in my life ever. I love my husband dearly, dont want to lose him, but I feel like I am going crazy at the same time and want to bop him over the head. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I feel your pain, believe me. The only thing I can tell you is try to take it day to day, do things for you to make yourself feel better, and I have found the bible and Chicken Soup books make me feel better. It is a hell of a rollercoaster ride and this website indeed is a godsend. When are you due or did you already have your baby? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I'm a member of the 4 month club too....where theres a will theres a way.....be good and fair to yourself- you are wonderful worthy women and you didn't ask for this- I don't care what you did- unless you said ''here I brought you another woman;;...you didn't do it- HE did- I don't care what EN's you didn't meet- did he shake you and say I am going to have an A if you don't "whatever"....probably not- so pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start over- there is much work to be done and you have to start with your soul and make some tough decisions- set some boundaries- shut your mouth when you want to rave and speak quietly and surely when you do get to the Q&A part- be careful what kind of details you ask for-some are harder than others to live with-some details are necessary to process the whole idea that this really has happened........but some will haunt you forever so tread lightly at first til you can figure out for yourself what kind of details you can handle. I don't know how old you ladies are or your A or M history.... but I'll recommend the book Simple Abundance by Sarah Ban Breathnach- make it a good night...

Erika...so sorry you've found yourself in need of this site...but you've found a good one! Please READ what is here. You'll discover that what is happening to you emotionally is NORMAL. This is VERY early in the recovery period. You're going to be haunted by many things, question many things. We all do it/did it.

It takes a LONG time to move on in a healthy and productive fashion, we have mis-steps, mistakes, and errors while rebuilding. It's not so much that we can "get over it", as it is we finally are able to put it in the past with other past sorrows and live our lives fully and with trust and love.

It seems from your post that your H has ended the affair, recommitted to the marriage and to you and the family. That's the first step. You've accepted that he is trying and appreciate what he is trying to do...yet...you're still in pain. This is a long process and it's not an easy one...but it is one that you and your H can be successful at achieving.

It takes LOTS of work, communication, patience and love. It takes committing to the marriage, being willing to be honest and open and kind!

Please read what is offer here on site, take from it what you think will benefit you and your marriage.

There is a "Plan A" here which is often used by a BS (betrayed spouse) on the WS (wayward spouse) who is still involved in an on-going affair. BUT...if you AND your H take this "Plan A" and both apply it to yourself and to each other...it is a wonderful tool for repairing damaged trust and misunderstandings, restoring your marriage to one that is healthier and more secure for both of you. It's working on yourself and making yourself a better person and partner, it's focusing on what is positive in the marriage, while downplaying the negative without ignoring that these less then ideal issues need addressing.

BTW...Congrats on your new babe!!!

Good Luck!

I really thankful for all your support , it really makes a difference to me , makes me feel that i am not alone on this ..
i will try all what you guys said , one of the things that it did helped is that i confront my H with the OW , she didnt know tha t he was married !! .. i guess doing that he realize what he was about to lose <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , since that day things has been different , he know he did something bad for that ow , and worse for me
Now i get my strengh from my dear son Miguel , he is almost 3 months and he my sun ,my love ,my joy
and for him and for me try to work things out
I asked my husband why ?? he told me that in a way he felt like something was missing , he said it wasnt me , that it was him , that i was perfect .. well i dont get it , if i didn't do anything to make him look for something outside the house , then what is it ?? what i think is that he thought that he still single and that he didnt wanted any responsability , <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
at you are right this is a great website , make me feel good . it is hard but somehow i have to get over it someway
thanks for your advice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> everybody i really appreciated <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey Erika,

Since I too belong to the 4 month club I figured I should throw my 2 cents in.

Hang in there. The flashes for me seem to fade with each passing day. Our situations sound very similar. My H also insists that there was something wrong with him, not me, and that's what led to his A. He seems committed to rebuilding our very new M even though there are days when things appear hopeless.

I've made the decision to hang on for as long as I can. H is entering IC and I am insisting that we seek MC soon thereafter.

Try not to shut down and keep the channels of communucation open even when it hurts. Don't stop talking to one another and make sure that you're letting each other know what your needs are in order to heal and make the M work.

I hope this helps.

Best of luck.

CB

Noticed your post while wandering past this board. There is a thread on the recovery board, believe it was called 'a FWS's discovery story' or similiar by Sincere_1, and a few by me that I think are pretty good places to look into the mind of a WS. On a personal note - you got a reply from Just_a_Wifey up there, listen close when she talks. Cool head, keen mind.

Wish you the best of luck

ERIKA,

I wish that I could say that the "flashes","visuals" go away.
Quite honestly I don't think that they ever go away.

It has been a 1yr & 1/2 for me. H still has contact w/ OW working together. I don't get them as often. But when I do, I stop my self, I think of a "Happy Moment" w/H and then I go do something to keep me "busy". Work, children, cleaning. That seems to help.

I feel for you. It is something that is so horrible I would never wish this on my worst enemy.

Keeping a M/relationship together, I think is the hardest thing to do.

I feel as thou I am failing misserably, How can I be a role model and teach what I want to my children about M when I can't even seem to do it my self.

Ugh. Sorry.

I know that it doesn't help much. But you aren't alone.

Take Care,

VB