Ya know. I have felt numb for about three weeks now. I have told W that she could leave tomorrow or today and it would not bother me at all. I could loose the kids, and it would not bother me. I could loose my job or my life and it would not bother me. Why do I feel like this. It just seems that I don't really care about anything anymore. I don't have the Christmas spirit this year. I just feel numb. I don't feel love, pain, fear, hurt, sadness... nothing at all. What is going on with me? What can I do to make this feeling go away? It seems like nothing has happened and it was all just a big dream. The W could do the same thing and I don't think that I would care. I could die tomorrow and not care. But I would not try and hurt myself again. Has anyone else felt like this? If so, what did you do?<P>------------------<BR>DP

Yeah, I know what you mean. I told my wife even before marriage that if she ever had an affair that there would be no discussion, it would simply be over. <P>That was eight years ago. And yes, I too still feel like this is a surreal dream of sorts that I'll soon awaken from - hopefully. I too told her that if we ever split, that I'd be gone for good and that I don't support this idiotic American divorce ritual of visitation rights with kids and split homes/families, that the kids deserved one set of parents regardless of which of us they went with (the other would have to disappear forever). <P>But then there's love. And, fortunately (and please read and see this clearly) most affairs have little or nothing at all to do with real love and are over within 6 months - forever. That it ends doesn't make it right, but that does not replace real love needs to mean a lot to you. Because that is what your relationship is about, real love. Now try to step back. She did it for a reason. Maybe to hurt you, maybe to protect her from being hurt, maybe to have a need fulfilled that you were not meeting. Whatever it is, chances are she loves you dearly, only that love may be in hybernation due to past or even present events in the marriage. <P>Yeah, I know how you feel. And I know that that feeling is what it is because you do love your wife and wish like hell that what ever caused this to happen had never happened. That you'd lived those years leading to the "event" all so differently so that she wouldn't have had reason to do this awful thing to the marriage and to you. <P>Yeah, I know. And I know that it's important that you try work really hard to not say those things that can only work to further damage the relationship. Take some healing time if you must. But please, make a commitment to work on the relationship - and follow the principles of Dr. Harley on this site and in the books.<P>And by all means, keep posting.

I think we've all felt it. The numbness comes and goes just like the bad and good days. We have to "numb out" every now and then to protect ourselves.<P>It will pass. What replaces it could be good or bad, but then that will pass too.<P>Just make yourself keep going until you feel something REAL coming back again. It will happen.<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

I think what you are feeling is clinical "depression".I have felt the same many times over and it is not a good feeling.What a way to live your life huh?<P>I would really suggest maybe seeing your Dr. about possibly getting on some medication.I put this off for so long because I didnt want to be on a pill just to make me "feel".But I am so glad that I did or I just may not be here today.Please consider it as it was a godsend to me.<P>Good wishes and prayers to you.<P>------------------<BR>~~~~~Tammy~~~~~<P>If you love something set it free.If it comes back it is yours.If it doesn't it was never meant to be.<BR>

I felt that way for 6 weeks plus. I think it is shock. I didn't get angry until I caught stbx with om at motel when she was supposed to be with the kids.<P>Unfortunetely the numbness will pass and will be replaced by anger, bitterness, unhappiness, and about every other rotten you can imagine.<P>You must be strong to over come these emotions so you can save your marriage.<P>Read the info and post to help you cope. There are many people here to help you.<P>God Bless<P>Bob<P>------------------<BR>"You can't always get what you want! But if you try real hard,you might just find, you get what you need!"<BR>Mick Jagger<BR>