I was just wondering if any BS out there have felt like they were going through mid life crisis(I think I am) when they were also dealing with WS EA/PA? I am about 4 months into plan A with my WH, things I think are going as well as they could be, but I am beginning to feel like I really am missing that "love" feeling from him and want it back NOW!!!!! I know that it is impatience, working on this Plan A is a b**ch. Maybe I am just having a sad day??? I want that "butterfly" feeling in my gut feeling when I see him, I know this is the "illusion" and real life is not like this. I wish I could just go off and be alone for a couple of days (right, aint gonna happen). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> Any thoughts? thanks

Married 4/88- 2 boys 9&6
D-day-10/12/02-WH wants out, unhappy for 4 years, we deceide to work on marriage.
D-day 1/17/02- WH admits to EA with co-worker.
2/17/02-tells coworker he has "no commitment" to her and is staying with family. WH still talks to coworker.

MLC??? I don't know. It seems like I've had so many of them...LOL To my way of thinking we have a "life crisis" often in our lives, most of us, take those times to reassess where we are going, what goals we have met, what ones we want to change, and where we want to go from here.

I guess so often that MIL is based on looking back at our choices and doing the "What if?" game, wondering what our lives would have been like if we would have taken another path. The danger is if we forget to look around us and see where the path we did choose has taken us...what accomplishments have we acheived, what goals, really...how much do we have to be ohhhh soooo very thankful for. If we play the "What if?" game, we tend to never see the down side to "what if", we see only what greatness we might have had...not the failures.

Affairs hit so often during a time when we are playing that "what if" game, we're looking at the wall and only seeing one small "spot" of what is lacking, we are so focused on that one "spot" that we don't see the rest of the wall. Now that wall is wide and it's high and it is full of joy, love, happiness, accomplishments and acheivements...but we're still only seeing that "spot". So, since the "what if" only seems in our fantasy to be made up of what might be is positive, we think we must have made some wrong choices in the past, or else, we would be living that "what if reality"...and we feel lost, disconnected to what is, we start trying to discover what it is that we are lacking, even if we don't have a clue as to what it is.

Well...what is lacking? Only each person knows. But the problem is that some look outward for what is missing...and they are NOT going to find it...for whatever it is that is missing is hidden inside...not outside.

Butterfly feeling? hmmm...well you don't want to feel that little leap in the heart when he is near. Maybe you're just not quite secure enough yet to allow yourself to feel it. It does take a lot of courge to put your heart back in the race completely. I know I tended to "protect" mine for a long time. Just wouldn't/couldn't put myself back completely at risk. But...it comes back. Just give yourself some time...you'll feel it again.

We all have bad days! Hope your tomorrow is a GREAT day to make up for this one!

Good Luck!

JAW,

Once again, you have given me some great thoughts to ponder. I definetely am
"guarding" my heart right now. At one point last week I was not and my WH told me one day that I was looking at him like he was a "ham sandwich on a deserted island". (he seemed a little annoyed). I HOPE< HOPE< HOPE that one day he will look at me with that "ham sandwich" look like he used to. What a mess. Thank god for my kids, I played cards with my oldest this afternoon and we had a good time. Boy do I love those kids, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> they are helping in so many ways. Thanks again JAW and good luck.