Well its been about six weeks since I posted. Since my last post she has been coming back about three times a week. The latest news is that I filed for temporary child support and custody.And the reason is that she "talks" a good game, but is not taking action. Immediately after receiving the summons she called the house and spoke to my Mom for an hour. All she did was blame me for what has happened. My Mom was very nice to her but told her that she made this choice.

Well, 30 minutes after they get off the phone, my wife gets in the car and drives 2.5 hours here and walks in the door unannounced.I was shocked to see her walk in the door. We all talked for a while and went to bed

She drove up intoxicated.(Something she has done a lot of lately. And she is drinking now more than ever. She syayed for two days. Before she left she said she woould try to get all of her things and come back in the next week. Said she call first.She never called. She just showed up with two suitcases and announced that she wanted to come back and see how things "feel".

We didn't get around to talking about what she thought she was doing until after my youngest sons Birthday party. Well she was"sneaking" drinks before the party and then drinking openly afterwards. She was very intoxicated by the time we tried to talk. But, it was to no avail. She was drunk,vascillating on what she wanted. I finally told her that a "trial" was not going to work. She is either here with us, and no contact with OM or she is not. And , she knew my boundries.

1/Get alcohol treatment.
2/Go to marriage counseling with me.
3/ Get counseling for her underlying issues that are causing all of this.

She was not happy with the way the conversation was going and indicated that she was going out for a while.
I suggested that since she was way over the limit that she stay and not drive. I tried to block her from leaving but she insisted.
By this time I had had it. I got her suitcases and told her to just go home to her boyfriend, that I was tired of the vascillation and drinking
andthe coming and going as she pleased.She did all of this in front of our youngest son.
She had also come to either talk me out of the custody /support hearing or B-ll-hit me again about her wanting to reconcile.
She got home safely (Thank God)and called the next day to talk to the boys.
Over the next week we got voice mail messages of a woman crying and sniffeling. It was her. She never left a voice message.
We went to the hearing and she tried to rationalize everything. From stating that she wanted to reconcile to saying that if she had to have visitation at our house she did not want to sleep with me.
Visitaion will be liberal but supervised, also no visitation at her boyfriends house. She also has to pay support now.She complained about that too. Staing she has no job. The judge told her, "Well Mrs. B, I guess you will just have to get one".
Then she complained that she could not make the money in DE she made here in NJ.The judge said "You have proven earning capability, go get a job".
Then she complained about having to pay without any say in the visitation. The judge looked at her and said" Well, Mrs. B, this is NOT a rental".
We left the court room and she never said a word to me.
I did have a parting shot. I said" You can be angry if you like, but the support money does come close to being a Mother to your sons".
Have not heard a word since.
I am having a marriage coaching session with Penny Tupy who is a "disciple" of the Harley methods. From her e-mails alone she sounds wonderful.Her website is -info_lifeworksc.
This affair has ben going on for almost eight months now, and I have been in Plan A for almost 5.5 months. My limit was 6. I think Penny is going to keep me in Plan A for just a little while longer, to leave a good lasting impression. Then to Plan B.
Yes, I am venting here, but I also think I have the Plan A concept down. I am being firm, but fair. And , there is a little of some tough love mixed in too. Especially with temp. child support/visitaion issue. I tried to address all of this before with her. She just kept ducking it all. Truth OR Consequences. Now she knows.

Het GreggM it's great to hear from you again, although I wish it was with happier news regarding your WW.

I am impressed with your resolve in regards to boundaries that she has to observe if she wants to come back to you and the kids. Without them, nothing will change.

I beleive you made a great choice is seeking Penny Tupy's help. She's had plenty of personal experience and training in the MB principles that you will be able to relate to her and benefit from her wise counsel.

YOU are truly a success story.

Coffee Man,

And I have you to Thank for getting me "jump started" early on. Had you not "held me by the nose and kicked me in the a**, I might be at the same spot I was last year. You reminded me of the things I needed to do, but was afraid to do. I am beginning to feel and act much better for myself and my sons.
She may never know the better person I have turned into now. That is not my problem. I AM feeling better with every passing moment. Life is too precious.
Thanks Coffee Man. I owe you a debt I may never be able to repay.(I am sure you will let me know..LOL)

Best to you and yours.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Gregg M.:
<strong>Coffee Man,

And I have you to Thank for getting me "jump started" early on. Had you not "held me by the nose and kicked me in the a**, I might be at the same spot I was last year. You reminded me of the things I needed to do, but was afraid to do. I am beginning to feel and act much better for myself and my sons.
She may never know the better person I have turned into now. That is not my problem. I AM feeling better with every passing moment. Life is too precious.
Thanks Coffee Man. I owe you a debt I may never be able to repay.(I am sure you will let me know..LOL)

Best to you and yours.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dang and I was wearing my bunny slippers when I gave you the virtual kick in the a** (my big toe is still throbing) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

As far as that debt is concerned, my mind is realing from all the caffeinated dreams that are swirling around in my head (hmmmmmm a brand new, state of the art, expresso/cappucino machine would be nice). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Once again, don't be a stranger and keep us posted on your situation.

God bless you and yours.

P.S. I didn't realize it until I finish posting this message, but I've reached the 2000 post mark. Sheesh I need to get away from the boards and get a life <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ February 23, 2003, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: CoffeeMan ]</small>

Roger...I will keep you posted. I am especially anxious to hear what Penny says.
I will keep you posted.
Can I interest you in a Krups combination Coffee maker/Cappucino machine? I jhave one..and it is great.

Best to you!

You sound strong! You're keeping your focus on YOUR life and the boys, while also keeping a crack in the door if she wants to push it back open and walk back into the good life she could have with you.

It sounds as if she's really got a problem with the drinking...if she isn't ready to face that fact and get some help...she's only spinning her wheels, no matter what her address.

IF...the time comes where she thinks she wants help and would like to try and reclaim her life, make sure that you have a recovery plan in place BEFORE she moves any packed bags. No sense in your boys ever having to deal with her comings and goings again like this last time. That must have been very painful and confusing for them.

Sure am glad they have such a wonderful father they know they are safe with. Good Luck!

To Just a wifey:

Yes. It has been very tough our sons who simply do not understand how she could do this to them.

She was a Mom who would love them, hold them and be there for them. Now, she has given them up like so much fodder. It angers me every time I think about what she has done to them. She is viscious, selfish and cold.

What a great legacy she has left behind. I know I sound very bitter, and, I am.

If she ever wakes up from her "fog", she will walk right into another " nightmare". The night mare of sons who have lost all respect and faith in the one person to whom they trusted their lives and love.

Thank you for your kind words. I hope that what I do is enough for my sons. I pray for their peace with their Mother someday. I continue to reinforce the idea that she is sick,needs help and that they must somehow find a way to support and love her.

Best to You !

Gregg