Hey guys, Well I'm back. My H and I have been trying to work things out for the past month now and even though I didn't see much of a change, I thought there was still hope.
We've been going to counseling for the past month and he even started his own sessions two weeks ago. Anyways, just this past Saturday, he told our counselor that his heart just wasn't into it. "Our Marriage." It made me realize that as much as it may hurt me, I need to let him go. I told him just tonight that I'm letting him go. I told him that I love him more than anything but I don't want him here if he doesn't want me. I want him to love me, not hate me. I think that I make him stay, he's going to eventually hate me for it.
I know that I'm risking the chance of him running back to the OW that he started an affair with 5 months ago. I know she want's him and will do whatever she can to get him back if she know's he's out on his own.
He agreed about leaving, and said that as selfish as it may sound, he needs to think about himself right now. He needs to find out what it is HE wants. Who he wants. I'm hoping that giving him space will make him realize that it's me and our daughter that he wants. I know though, that I need to be prepared for the opposite as well.
I'm so confused, I know that this isn't what I want, but it's what I need. It's what he needs. I want him to love me, not hate me. I know that if I make him stay, he's only going to resent me in the end.
I could use any advice right now. I think I've made the right choice, but it feels so wrong. I hurt so much inside right now. He says he's going to find somewhere to go and he'll be out by the end of the week. We're still going to go to our sessions. We have one on Saturday as a matter of fact. We're also going to talk to our daughter on Saturday and tell her that Daddy's not going to live with us anymore. I know it's going to break her heart and mine just to see her have to go through it.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Debbiew/hope...I'm so sorry. You've got to do what you think is best for you, your daughter and for your H.

I'm going to be honest here...I'm not trying to get you to change your mind, or anything, but this is awfully new to you and to your H. You're making some major decisions and it seems that it might be a little early. jmho

This might be just want you both need, but I stand for keeping both spouses under the same roof and fighting for the marriage as long as both are willing to stay. Even if one partner is not staying for the "right reasons" in the beginning. There is always a "later" when you can choose to separate.

If you and your H had been dealing with this for several months and you did this, I'd be behind you 100%...I'm just holding out 2% because I think it's too early for this.

BUT...whatever...you do what you feel is right...don't listen to me...You know how you feel.

Praying hard that wherever your healing path is taking you...you will find peace of spirit, happiness, and love.

I could just imagine how difficult it was for you to make the choice you've made. I am in a sort-of similar situation myself. Only, I have any and everybody telling me to go on with my life (mostly family and friends). I know they mean well, but I, personally, can't see life with out my wife and daughter. One thing I do know, to this particular point in time for me, is that you can't make a heart love. Forgive me if this isn't exactly the advice you were hoping for. BUT, on the other hand, with God, all things are possible. Have you ever been to a sight called Rejoice Marriage Ministries? I go there quite often when I get discouraged. Perhaps it will help you too. I certainly hope so. May God Bless you and your family.

My heart goes out to you! I read your post and your most brave to face the truth about your partner. It's shattering experince of rejection to face. His heart is not in the marriage, nor strong enough to love you and your daughter and he has failed the both of you. Not you!

Letting him go is a healthy move on your part but also is the part of letting your self go to fix/heal your broken heart. He sounds like he is on all powerful ego trip having two women desiring him.

The most important focus here is you! What do you need, what do you really want for yourself and daughter.

Does he really deserve such a love/committment from you for his wrongdoings and disrepect? My partner was similarily the same way. His heart never was in the marriage,or family and our lives were so miserable,and unfilling.

Your not alone, and your so worthy of good loving, good treatment, consideration and respect!

I think if you feel like you've done a good Plan A- ie. fighting for your marriage and showing him your best YOU- that letting him go might be the ticket for him to wake up. He may get out there, may get his fill of OW and find out she isn't so great.

Or it may be the end of your marriage. Hard to say.

Just make sure, before he leaves, to get your ducks in a row re: support and visitation. Don't let him move out thinking his life with you will be the same. If he's gonna move out, he should get to experience the divorced lifestyle to the fullest. Otherwise there will be less of a possibility of a wakeup call.

Hi Debbie,

I saw your thread and had to look in. I'm sorry. I hope everything works out for you in the end.