There was no offense at all taken. She may very well be sick. What else would she want to destroy our family for? and for some man she's never met? and to subject my daughter around this man in whom she doesn't really know? Sounds like a sickness to me. Not so much as to what it was she wrote though, but rather to whom she wrote it. What hurt me even more was that much of what she wrote was the very same things she had once wrote to me.

Can anyone simplify the steps in Plan A for me?
Can Plan A be applied in my circumstances with there being "no love" as well as other reasons in my particular situation?

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 05:28 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

I went and purchased yesterday His Needs/Her Needs and also a book called "What to do when your spouse says, 'I Dont Love You Anymore'" by David Clarke,Ph.D. in which Im currently reading now. However I think I would have problems being as aggressive as he states you should be. And from what little I know about Plan A, it seemed like the two were different. This book suggests that you confront your spouse with anger as it says in Matthew 18:15-17 that we should confront sin head on and all those commiting the sin. But it plainly states that it will do one of two things..get your spouses' attention or drive them away. For this reason, some choose not to try that way. Im not sure yet what to think. Makes alot of sense, however, it awfully hard for most of us to come out of the painful stages and into anger.Worth it to try it out though, I guess.

I didn't look any further when I read what I did find. It was enough for me and I surely didn't want to find anymore.

DW...I discovered my H's affair with who I thought had been his co-worker and good friend to not only him but to me by reading his emails from her, many of which were replies to his and had what he had written to her. So I do know how damaging those written words are to us.

Your W's fantasy future with this OM is just that...a fantasy. The chance of it being anything more then a fantasy are very low, but not zero. Yes, she may well have a face to face with him at some point. Hopefully if this happens, that will really blow her right out of the fantasy.

You've already confronted your W with her cyber affair, don't know how much more confronting you can do. The ball is really in her court right now about that side of it. You can't control what she does. You can however control what you do.

Plan A is working on YOU! Doing a lot of reflective thinking about ways in which you can better yourself to be a better person and a better partner. It's focusing on the positives in your relationship and not the negatives...hard I know. It's working on YOU! Not your spouse.

Seek out counseling, find someone who you can be open and honest with and feel comfortable. Keep looking for the right counselor if you first do not succeed in finding the one which is right for you.

I know you're not wanting to read anymore of the emails...nevertheless...set up an account for just this one purpose...and forward everyone of them to it. I do not know what state you are in, but this is something you need to do to protect yourself and to have some hard copy proof of what is going on. You do NOT have to read them, just get them. jmho

Good Luck!

'alienation of affection' is not grounds for divorce in my state. However, Adultery in either of the parties is.She has done this once before. Also, awhile back we had a bit of a blow up that got out of control. She may try to use this being that she had me locked up for it. Now, this "blow up" was contributed by both parties so please don't go and assume that I'm a an abusive husband. I probably shouldn't include this fact for I can imagine the response Im going to get.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 05:29 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>

DW,

I can really sympathize with you. The kind of evidence you discovered and the pain, rejection and anguish is so much like my story.

My WW had an internet A for nearly a year. The married OM works halfway across the world, so fortunately meetings were not possible. However, they did meet up after I had just started to crack the A open. (LOL, WW went on holiday with OM and OMW, real soap opera stuff). I can tell you this: It was the best thing that could have happened, tough on me, but real eye-opener to WW.

The Richard Gere of the internet turned out to be Danny de Vito in real life. I busted the true scope of the A finally whilst she was still away and confronted her, and through her, him. His resulting actions did more to support my cause than anything I could have said and done. That was the end of the A.

Give it time, listen to the opinions and advice from the experienced people on this site and hopefully your situation will turn around.

My thoughts are with you.

Note: This is our 25 year anniversary and we are progressing steadily on a wonderfully exciting recovery journey. Should probably say FWW.