First let me say that this site is very impressive. I have learned alot already from what's available here. Now on to my story.

Three weeks ago, my wife left me and moved out of state to work at a different job. She simply said 'we weren't made for each other', and wasn't willing to work on anything at the time. Then I found the emails. Turns out she had been having an affair with a mutual friend starting 3 months after we were married (in January), and lasting through most of the year. This represents almost our whole marriage. Needless to say, I am largely destroyed by this.

Now I am in a situation where I am not sure what I want. I would like to have honest conversations about where we want to go, but right now her mind is made up that it is over. Her current therapist is advising her to not have any contact with me, although we still occasionally exchange emails. I would really like for the both of us to sit down together with a counselor and talk (I am willing to fly out there for it), but she has given the line 'I just need some personal time to work out where my head is at'. Sitting here with no contact, left out of the loop, after this betrayal is just killing me. I haven't seen her since all of this came to light.

So what is my next step? How do I move this forward. She has totally discounted the idea of reconciliation, but I really believe that neither of us has a clue about what was going on. I feel joint counseling would allow us to better understand this, but her therapist is against it for some reason.

Advice?

Eric

Sorry, but you are between a rock and a hard place. If her counselor isn't advising any couple seesions, doubt that you're going to be making much headway here. You can't make her talk to you. Until she's ready.

You can try doing a form of Plan A, at least the part about working on self...and hope to later show her that the two of you might have a future together.

Since you're marriage is so new and it seems that she really never made the commitment to it that you did...I am wary of giving very much advice as to where her head might be. She seems to have been living a double life almost the whole marriage.

Have you seen a lawyer and found out your rights? You really do need to prepare yourself for the worst, while hopeing for the best.

Good Luck!

Oh Eric,

I wish you didn't have to go through this pain. I too am a "newlywed" though I don't feeel much like one. At the time of my DDay my H had basically been cheating for our entire M <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> .

One thing that you need to accept is that you can't make someone change, they have to want to. It sounds as if your W has made up her mind for the both of you so to speak. All you can do is let her know that in spite of her A you're willing to fight for your M but then the ball is in her court.

Be strong Eric because Wifey is right, you may have to prepare for the worst.

And remember that you have friends here.

CB