H had A(s) entire 9 yr relationship. Since DDay 1/24/03 H & I have continued living/sleeping together. The problem with that is that I do not know if I want to be with him or not. What's weird is sex is better than ever for both of us. But for me, that's all it is - sex. For H he knows he still loves & wants to be w/me & fix things. I can't get over what he did. I don't know if I'm trying to find love in bed or what. I'm very confused. We have 1 son and I am 6mos pregnant w/ 2nd child. Right now, they are the only reason I am with him. Counselor said that we should seperate in some way, shape, or form so that I can sort out what I want to do. Even if it is just for a day or two, MC feels it would be good for me. What do you think I should do about separating? I just feel like he needs to be out of the house in order for me to really think things through. MC also wants me to write down the pluses & minuses of staying together and to make sure there are just as many pluses as negs since all I can think about right now is the betrayel. Am I even at the right website if I don't know if I want to be with him? I told H that I want to read a book on Divorce/Divorcing. Is that a good idea or will it just reiterate the negative and my current desire to separate?

Betrayed & Pregnant
BS 27 WS 32
Married 6yrs dated/lived together 3 yrs
1son - almost 2 yrs
1 baby on way in June
H had multiple A's before/after marriage
Dday 1/24/03

Isn't it a biological thing that when women hit a certain point in their pregnancy, their sex drive goes out of control? Maybe you're just responding to your body's natural urge to 'get it on' with him.

If you havn't read them already, you should really pick up Dr. Harley's books "His Needs/Her Needs" and "Surviving An Affair". They are both filled with great advice on how to rebuild your marriage and fall in love with eachother again.

Yes, I've considered the pregnancy/hormonal/2nd trimester issue as a reason for my desire. But from what I hear from most women, they can't even stand to be sexual w/ the WH. I do think about what he did while we are doing it but I just kind of push it to the back of my mind. I am reading "Surviving an Affair" almost done w/ it. Haven't read the other one. I'm wanting WH to make all the first moves and try to "win my heart back" or "help me to fall in love with him again". I don't know if he knows how. He's never been one for talking or expressing emotions.

&P...I wanted sex with my H right after d-day. For me it was a reclaiming of my H, also I really enjoyed the high passion and it helped get some of that overloaded emotions I was carrying around with me out.

I'm a little concerned about your counselor. jmho This is new, and she already talking about separating and making lists on what is positive and what is negative. If I had made a list even six months into rebuilding, negatives would have far outweighted any positives. My "sight" was negative, it was incapable of looking at anything in my life without the shadow of his betrayal floating around it.

Now a few days away might be good...then again...I would have gone bonkers. I NEEDED him to be with me. I needed him to support me...even if it just meant leaving me alone and going into another room...I still needed him close or just holding me as I cried or raged as the case might be.

Please...be careful of making any life-changing decisions right now. I find that during a crisis...we too often make decisions based on purely the emotion we are feeling at the time (right now pain and rage)...and we make the wrong decision...because our focus is so narrow.

Good Luck!

That's the problem. I feel like I don't need him. I know I don't need him financially, the only thing I need him there for is to cook (yes, he's the cook in our household) and to help take care of our son.
I want to make sure I am with him because of love - not for the kids, money, to be my slave, or anything else.
I don't believe that people should stay together just for the kids. I could never be happy and they would know it.
MC doesn't want it to be a permanent thing just a temporary (days) thing & only at my insistance. I told him 60-70% of the time I want H to leave. MC suggested just having him go into another room but that doesn't work for me. If he's there, I want him helping out or to be intimate with him and that is just confusing us both.
I really want to know that I love him deep in my heart like I used to and I feel like if he is gone a day or two that I can sort out those feelings and know for sure that I want this to work.
I haven't cried since the 1st two days I found out about the A(s). I am just angry, numb, & shocked. I think even the anger is going away now and I am just numb, shocked, and confused. I just want to know for sure that I want to be with him. Everyone at this site seems to know one way or another except me (at least it seems that way).