OM works with WW. Initially, I gave him a letter requesting he avoid my wife at all costs.

Not doing it, but did at one point tell WW that what they did was wrong and it was over. Problem is, I think he believes they can still be friends.

Of course, WW believes OM had strong feelings for her although when she told him she loved him he wouldn't respond and when she asked him about it later, he said he was scared, too many complications, etc.

Do you think he loves her or just took advantage of her?

Anyway, caught him smiling and trying to talk to WW at work last week. it was about business, but I feel it still wasn't necessary.

Thinking about giving him an ultimatum. Cease and desist or I will go to the school administrator and reveal their affair and the fact that they used school grounds for some of their meetings (immediate grounds for dismissal).

What do you think??

Zaed

Would it be possible for your wife to quit or transfer to another school?

From what I've read, the #1 thing you need to do when trying to rebuild after an affair is initiate a NC rule (No Contact). Affairs are like an addiction, and just like an alcoholic has to stay away from bars and parties, a WS has to stay away from the OM.

Has the affair ended? Is your W attempting to rebuild with your? A little more info on the conditions of the affair would be helpful.

Yes, my WW is looking for another job, but still there.

As far as I know, A has ended. Ended on D-Day, but limited contact continues.

WW is staying and willing to work on M. But it's been two months and very bumpy. I can tell their contact is really dragging out her pain of withdrawal ... and mine too.

Zaed,

Been where you are at. It is hard to resist the urge to contact the OM. I contacted OM twice face to face. Probably not the best idea I ever had. OM seemed to be fine with it but MLW(my lovely wife) took that as me trying to control her. Bottom line it didn't really solve anything. I think now she sees that I wasn't. Just my opinion.

Healing in the M can't really begin until NC is in effect. NC is really hard if they work in the same place. Same situation for me. NC is nearly impossible. MLW is changing jobs at the end of March so that will make things easier for all involved.

Be patient, make her feel secure and let her know that you are there for her. No LB's.

Again...be patient. Good luck. You have found a great aide in your recovery in this site. A lot of good info, people and opinions here.