You guys don't know how I run home from work to check out the boards to see what everyone is saying. It is so nice to have people to "chat" with that understand completely what I'm going through. I had a bad day today, H hasn't been wearing his wedding ring for about a week. I was hopeful that today he would. No luck, found it on his bedstand. I don't know why I thought he would wear it today, just wishful thinking I guess. It really deflated me though, after thinking that he might really want to try to work out our marriage, and then to see he still didn't want to wear his ring.

Don't give me the excuse that men don't like to wear rings, he DID and HAS BEEN wearing his academy ring.

First MC today. I'm really nervous. H says that he confessed all because he knew it would come out in MC and he didn't want me to be blindsided by it. HA! I've been basically blindsided by everything for a week, why should one more surprise me! Since I'd given him the article on EA, doesn't he think I might have had a clue as to what was going on? H left without wearing his ring again today. I think that goes in the "bad signs" column. He continues to call me "honey", is this a good sign, or is this just habit?

A week ago, I wouldn't have noticed any of this. Now every word, every movement means something...good or bad. I think it may just drive me nuts. "I just don't love you anymore. It's not your fault. It's mine. We've just grown apart." It goes round and round in my head.

Morning, Kim.

Keep reading here - it helps.

I'd venture to guess that most of us went through similar experiences in the immediate aftermath post dday - I know that like you, I went over every phrase to assess meaning. I wonder if this isn't a natural reaction...the betrayer is now suspect in every way - so the betrayed must dissect every word and movement to discern truth in light of our discovery...

Don't beat yourself up, Kim. It's NOT your "fault" that he had an affair. That was his choice and his choice alone. It's a choice that, in my view, is often born of frustration at the inability to figure a way to correct the problems that exist within the marriage. In our case, we couldn't fix what we couldn't see. The MB concepts helped us to understand WHAT was wrong so that we COULD take corrective measures!

I view MB as a set of tools - it allows couples to address problems. Neither you nor your husband had the tools before - you have them now. If your husband is open to the use of these tools, then you have a very good shot at saving your marriage. If he is not open to working on the marriage, you will benefit from the use of the tools for yourself. Remember this!

Keep in mind that his view today may be clouded by what many refer to as "the fog." His decision making process may not be at its finest right now. You mentioned before that your spouse is an intellectual - perhaps that will help him to recognize the potential of the MB tools even though he's "foggy." I believe that is what helped in our situation - my FWH couldn't deny the "tools" had the potential of turning our marriage around, and were certainly a better option for fixing our problems than his EA had been.

My thoughts will be with you today.

Kim, welcome and relax.

The signs were classic. She was confiding in him about her marriage problems. He didn't want you travelling with him. Picking fights with the kids.

When a married person tells an opposite sex person that there are problems in the marriage, it is between the lines that there are cracks in the foundation of the marriage. Of course, the things the unhappy person complains about are NEVER things of which the new confidante is guilty of.

If the confidante is a couch potato, the spouse is a sports fanatic who is always on the golf course or on the tennis court. If the confidante is a natural beauty, the spouse has to carry a makeup kit for a camping trip. If the confidante is a terrific dad/mom and always helps the kids with their homework, well the spouse doesn't have a clue about math/literature/history you name it.

But how fortunate you are to have caught this so early. You have an opportunity to practice the tools and methods of the Harleys and make your marriage really wonderful. They believe in the "love bank" theory. Make deposits in the "love bank" every chance you get. Even if the deposits are "pennies" the benefit comes from doing them often. They don't have to be big things to work. THey just have to be often and consistent.

Thanks, guys. We went to MC yesterday. He didn't seem interested while we were in there, but as we left, he talked about how she seemed very knowledgeable and helpful. The next appt is for him, one after that for me. Then last night, the silent treatment again. I JUST DON"T KNOW WHAT TO THINK OR DO!!!

Still not wearing the wedding ring, although he seemed very conscience of it when we were in the MC office. Today I work, he's off. We'll see what kind of welcome I come home to.