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#42294 12/16/99 02:00 AM
Joined: Nov 1999
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I found out tonight that H is definitely living with OW. She is married - seperated. I'm thinking of calling her H. I don't think she knows he is married. Oh, God, what do I do!!!???!!! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] He helped her move out of her and H's house. What a saint.

#42295 12/16/99 02:05 AM
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Don't do anything while you are reeling from this... tends to make things worse rather than better.<P>If you want/need to call the OW's H, go for it. Be prepared for any number of possible reactions, from denial to anger. I would think that if you wonder if OW knows your H is a H, not some single guy, that a visit or phone call to her would be more appropriate. <P>How'd you find out they were definately living together?

#42296 12/16/99 02:11 AM
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Yeah,<BR>Let this feeling pass before doing anything, if anything at all.

#42297 12/16/99 02:23 AM
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I have a 'friend' who tipped me off and then I got the nerve to call his old roommate. They LOVE me and let me know. He moved out because they got mad at him about dating a married woman.<P>remember - he has roommates because we are in college in separate states.<P>What now?? Do I let him know that I know? Do I call the other H? He has to know if my H helped her move stuff out and he lives VERY close to H's old apartment. Small town - word travels quickly. <P>I am so lost and alone right now. My family keeps talking about how much better I'll be after the D, and H's old roommate said that I would find much better. I haven't even accepted that my marriage is over and I don't want to. How can they be thinking so far ahead?? I found out when H is going to see his parents. Should I use that valuable info ? I don't think they know what is going on. I have so many questions and I just want my husband back. please help.<p>[This message has been edited by studentwife (edited December 16, 1999).]

#42298 12/16/99 04:26 AM
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studentwife,<BR> I know your pain!! I suspected, but when I knew I REALLY lost it!! It was the WORSE night of my LIFE!!<BR> Panic, anger the whole nine yards!!<P> Try and calm down. I thought that this meant my Marriage was DEFINITELY over, it doesn't My W and I have made progress EVEN AFTER this. <P> As for OM's W. I also have some thoughts. <BR>In my situation OM's W called me!! She has been a friend and has been a source of good information AND bad. But, half the battle is KNOWING the battle.<P> We kept it between us though. THIS IS IMPORTANT (and dangerous) Once W finally found out, SHE HIT THE ROOF!! And we have had little contact since. Just tell him that he MUST keep it between the two of you. He can't repeat a WORD of information (and neither can you) to ANYONE else. Because if they find out, they will feel "ganged up on" and you two will look stupid and desperate. Understand?<P> On the other hand, OW's H deserves to know.<BR> We have wished we compared notes BEFORE it got out of hand. Both wanted to call each other but weren't sure because of the lies if there WAS an affair. So why hurt the other if we were WRONG!!<BR> You can be VALUABLE to each other sorting out the lies. Like my W told me she worked on Thanksgiving and OM's W found out that she spent it at OM's son's house. See?<P> You will get VERY HURTFUL information and some VERY HOPEFUL information. But if you decide to call, remember BE CAREFUL not to let you're secret "leak" out. OR TELL THEM RIGHT AWAY. One or the other!! GOOD LUCK FRANK

#42299 12/16/99 06:52 AM
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Sheryl's right. Take some time to calm down first.<P>A lot of us have been right where you are and it's the worst feeling. But you don't need to make ANY kind of decisions right now, ok? Just take a million deep breaths and calm down.<P>You have a lot to think about and a lot to decide but you have to have a relatively clear head to do that.<P>Hang in there. I am so sorry, but you can get through this, too. I promise you can.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{Studentwife}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori


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