Just got married 2 weeks ago after a 3 year relationship and a 21 month old child. Sunday night my husband broke down and told me that 2 years ago, he had a threesome with his ex-wife and her lesbian lover. For 2 years, he not on ly hid this from me but also hid that the fact that a child was born out of this threesome. Apparently, this was so supposed to go to the grave but the ex-wife has used this to blackmail him at every turn when it came to his children from his marriage to her and he could no longer take it and broke down and finally told me. I love my husband, and truly beleive he never had intentions of hurting me. He says he was drunk and I know we were on the verge of breaking up at the time this happened. That's still no excuse for what happened. I've made a concious decision to make my marraige work - outside of this he's a wonderful man and father. What I cannot do is get the image of what happened out of my head and I'm not sure how to moveon and get past the hurt. He has agreed to file papers giving up his rights to the child so tht cannot haunt us. I will not accept this child in our household no matter what. When I asked him why he didn't tell me before we were married, he said he knew I wouldn't marry him. Honestly, I probably would have but now it's so much harder that we are married. I beleive if we can get thru this, we will have a lasting marriage. Can someone please help me?

Imageinmyhead, I'm so sorry, and while I understand your sorrow that you're H, before he became your H, didn't feel secure enough in the two of you to share this secret...I can also understand why he was afraid.

I'm assuming that you are as confident as anyone can ever be that you're H is faithful and has been faithful since this happened over 2 years ago.

I've got to say I think it's wonderful that he told you. It sounds as if this has been something which he felt so ashamed he just couldn't find the courage to ask you for your help and understanding. But...he finally did find the courage! And you've looked at all the information, looked at the man you know and love and you're willing to began building your brand new marriage based on love and complete honesty.

If you need some help with understanding some of the emotions which are running wild inside of you...you've come to the right place. Conflicted emotions, emotions jumping from one to the other in a second is completely normal!

Read over what is here on site...it's got some wonderful insight on how to began a marriage...what areas to pay attention to so that you both start out on the right foot.

Her Needs/His Needs...the importance of honesty in the marriage are great areas to began with.

Congrats on your marriage....and Good Luck on building it into the best marriage the two of you can acheive together!!!